In ‘Familiar Touch,’ Kathleen Chalfant delivers a performance of dementia touched by grace

Between delicately assembling a pair of open-faced sandwiches in her comfortably stocked kitchen and carefully picking her wardrobe for an incoming visitor, Ruth (Kathleen Chalfant), an elegant older woman with intelligent eyes and a wry smile, looks like someone who enjoys hosting. Flirting too, if the hand she gently places on her lunch companion’s knee is any indication.

But there are signs that Ruth, an accomplished cookbook author, exists apart from the reality of the moment. Polite, patient, nervous Steve (H. Jon Benjamin) is not a date — he’s actually Ruth’s son, there to take her to a well-appointed retirement community where she’ll live under the observation of caregivers who specialize in memory care. But also, thanks to the power of “Familiar Touch,” it’s a place where she’ll be affectionately dimensionalized through the encouraging eyes of the filmmaker who created her, Sarah Friedland.

Friedland’s acute debut feature, drawn from her experience in the memory-care field, is a small miracle of realigned empathy, turning away from the condescension and easy sentiment of so many narratives about late-in-life adaptation. Instead it finds something infinitely more layered and meaningful, especially where Chalfant’s utterly commanding characterization is concerned.

Friedland doesn’t waste time letting us know she has more on her mind than rote family drama or a spotlight on medical suffering. The quiet car ride to the senior living home is marked by a closeup of Ruth’s hand turning on her lap as it’s warmed by the sun — a moment meant to prioritize Ruth’s sensorial experience. In the facility’s lobby, where we meet kindly caregiver Vanessa (Carolyn Michelle) and Ruth realizes she’s not at a hotel for a rendezvous but rather to be admitted to a new group home by a grown child she doesn’t recognize, the moment is as tension-filled as it needs to be.

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Yet even that is offset by the composed normality of Friedland’s unhurried, attentive direction, seeding an understanding that what is new for Ruth (or new once more, since we learn that she herself had chosen the place in less-confused times) is, in practically every other way, a common occurrence. This is a rite of passage happening all the time everywhere and deserving of compassion.

Ruth’s awareness is fluid as she becomes accustomed to a life of assistance, tests, activities, neighbors and the unique connection between resident and caregiver. As the process unfolds, “Familiar Touch” reveals itself as a social procedural about a demanding healthcare profession, often staffed by people who can’t afford to place their own loved ones in such facilities. The movie demystifies what’s hard and rewarding about caregiving, thanks largely to Michelle’s incredible, nuanced turn as Vanessa. That thread is exquisitely interlocked with a sensitive, sharp portrait of the interiority of someone searching for agency while in the throes of dementia.

Friedland never ignores what’s upsetting about Ruth’s condition, especially the loneliness that might replace sleep in an unfamiliar bed, or the despair that triggers a nighttime escape. But by sticking to Ruth’s perspective, the camera attuned to every emergence of childlike glee, adult pleasure or sharp-witted flash of authority, we come to see a person, not a patient. Ruth’s swings of emotion and identity are multitudes to be uncovered and respected.

The mystery of Ruth’s mindfulness — which ebbs and flows — is at the core of Chalfant’s brilliant, award-worthy performance. Hers is a virtuosity that doesn’t ask for pity or applause or even link arms with the stricken-but-defiant disease-playing headliners who have gone before her. Chalfant’s Ruth is merely, momentously human: an older woman in need, but no less expressive of life’s fullness because of it. It’s a portrayal to remember, for as long as any of us can.