Anyplace but L.A.: Other cities George Lucas could put his museum

My colleague and fellow Japadog eater David Ng is reporting that Mayor Eric Garcetti is making a bid for “Star Wars” mastermind George Lucas to bring his art museum to L.A. (Apparently San Francisco and Chicago are also making bids.) To entice Lucas, the mayor has even created a Twitter hashtag: #WhyLucasinLA. Because that’s what one does nowadays.

All I gotta say to that is: MAKE. IT. STOP.

The last thing that the home of Hollywood needs is George Lucas’ treacly art collection, which is replete with more positivity than a film feature devoted to Jar Jar Binks. Los Angeles already has enough saccharine destinations: the Grove, the Dolby Theatre, every booth at Bootsy Bellows.

So I’d like to kindly make some suggestions for places where Lucas can kindly place his museum:

• That Thomas Kinkade village in Vallejo. Because all that architecture intended to take you back to a “simpler” time should tenderize your brain enough to see Lucas’ collection.
• Celebration, Fla. That puny park in Anaheim is nothing compared to what the House of Mouse has come up with in Florida: a whole city, one that is probably desperately in need of a museum.
• Times Square. Let’s face it, any place that is home to a Hershey’s store, a Toys R Us and a Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. deserves what it gets.

And, yes, my campaign comes with its own hashtag: #WhyLucasNOTinLA. Get on it, Internet.