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A warlock, a jet, part tiger: Things Charlie Sheen has claimed to be

There’s been much written about Charlie Sheen of late here at the Los Angeles Times. This, however, is not about Sheen’s media blitz. This is also not about Sheen’s troubles with CBS or his battles with addiction.

Instead, this is simply about Sheen’s way with words and his near-poetic use of the metaphor. After leaving “Two and a Half Men,” Sheen compared himself with animals, inanimate objects and mythical beings. A new day seemed to have Sheen unveiling a new trait. What follows, then, is simply a look at some of Sheen’s more colorful comments.


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The quote: “I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.” -- Feb. 24 on “The Alex Jones Show” (Charlie Sheen / Getty Images; Boeing Super Hornet / Associated Press)
The quote: “Tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not bitchin’ and a total ... rock star from Mars.” -- Feb. 28 on NBC’s “Today” (Tim Burton’s “Mars Attacks!” / Warner Bros.; Sheen / Associated Press)
The quote: “We work for the pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people.” -- Feb. 24 on “The Alex Jones Show” (Sheen / Getty Images; Lord Voldemort from “The Harry Potter” series / Warner Bros.)
The quote: “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” -- Feb. 28 on “Good Morning America” (Sheen / Associated Press; marijuana leaf flag / Mark Boster, Los Angeles Times)
The quote: If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from this terrestrial realm.” -- Feb. 28 on ABC (Sheen in the late ‘90s / Associated Press; Nevada 375 / Associated Press)