Spare the rod and spoil the show: Five TV kids who have to go

With “The Walking Dead” (potentially) killing off a beloved character on Sunday night’s episode, it raises the question yet again of why television series so often seem to dispose of the wrong characters. Specifically, why don’t more shows kill their churlish child characters?

Television dramas have a long history of never quite knowing what to do with certain child characters, to the point where audiences are left with few choices beyond hoping said characters have an ill-timed run-in with the front of a bus.

This isn’t the fault of the children, per se, just that television drama, particularly high-stakes drama, has little in the way of overlap with the storylines and concerns of younger characters, often stranding them in plots that seem trite or ridiculous (like Kim Bauer’s (Elisha Cuthbert) improbable encounter with a cougar on “24” or Dana Brody’s (Morgan Saylor) ridiculous joyride hit-and-run on “Homeland) in show’s that are anything but.

That said, instead of killing off characters viewers actually like, it would be nice if certain dramas would just bite the bullet and give these teenage terrors the old heave-ho.

Carl Grimes - “The Walking Dead”

Carl Grimes (Chandler Riggs) on “The Walking Dead.”

(Gene Page / AMC )

Gene Page / AMC

Though he may finally be growing into his role in the apocalypse, it’s too little too late for poor Carl Grimes (Chandler Riggs.) Sure, he’s been through a trying time, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s long been the weakest link in the world of “The Walking Dead.” Carl remains the largest burden on the show, which is saying something, given that he has a baby sister that’s less of a drag.

Zach Goodweather - “The Strain”

Max Charles as Zack Goodweather. CR: Michael Gibson/FX

(Michael Gibson / FX)

Michael Gibson / FX

As unfair as it may be, there’s something particularly grating about a child in a show behaving too much like a child actually might. Take, for example, little Zach Goodweather (Max Charles) on “The Strain” who just cannot come to terms with the fact that his mother is a vampire. Zach, buddy, it’s over. You have to let her go. You are like a dog with a bone with this “needing a mother” thing. It’s a sad state of affairs when you can’t even wish for a child to be transformed into a vampire because it means he would still be on the show.

Grace Florrick - “The Good Wife”

Julianna Margulies and Makenzie Vega on “The Good Wife.”

(Jeff Neumann / CBS)

Jeff Neumann / CBS

Of all the characters on this list, Grace Florrick (Makenzie Vega) probably has the worst end of the deal. Stranded in the fringes of the show, the series often grasps at straws trying to find things to involve her in. At one point, she took up religion, because it was important that something cause her mother to examine her faith. At another point, she was weirdly sexualized because of her parents’ fame and apparently because “The Good Wife” has no idea what else to do with a teenage girl. Thankfully, the series has settled on making Florrick be her mother’s makeshift secretary, despite ostensibly still being in high school. At this point, Florrick would be better off dead.

Henry Mills - “Once Upon A Time”

Jared Gilmore and Jennifer Morrison on “Once Upon a Time”

(Jack Rowand / ABC)

Jack Rowand / ABC

It’s difficult to pinpoint what the precise problem with Henry Mills (Jared Gilmore) is, other than the fact that the character is, for a child, unspeakably smug. A bit of a know-it-all, the entire matter is exacerbated by the fact that he’s, more often than not, correct about whatever he’s espousing. On a show aimed at families, he feels like an audience insertion character, but for children. It’s not necessarily a bad thing while simultaneously being a terrible thing that should not be born.

Bran Stark - “Game of Thrones”

Isaac Hempstead Wright.

(HBO / HBO)

HBO

Sure, it’s a deep pull to go after a character who wasn’t even involved in the last season of his show (though he’s set to return in Season 6) but Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) is worth remembering. Stark is an admittedly curious inclusion (and honestly, had his younger brother Rickon not all but disappeared from the show, he’d likely be here in Bran’s stead) but “Game of Thrones” has yet to figure out how to successfully integrate him into the show. In the series of books the series is based on, Bran Stark is an important piece of a yet to be revealed puzzle, but for now, he’s just dead weight. “Game of Thrones” has no problem killing characters that are still alive in the book. Why not Bran?

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