Amal Alamuddin -- strike that, Amal Clooney -- is Barbara Walters' most fascinating person for 2014.
Apparently because she landed George Clooney?
Also for some other stuff, sure, but really, it's the George Clooney thing.
In what we pray was a tongue-in-cheek segment capping Sunday's annual "Most Fascinating People" special, Walters declared the former Alamuddin's snaring of the movie star as "really one of the greatest achievements in human history."
In. Human. History.
This epic achievement happened after "a bevy of beautiful women threw themselves at the unattainable -- and failed," Walters said, likening those desperate Clooney exes to "climbers attempting Mt. Everest."
"What," she asked, "does it take to fascinate one of the most fascinating men in the world?"
Just sit with that for a minute. Let it wash all over you. Be strong. This is life-defining stuff.
It seems this woman is fascinating because she's just like her man.
"Like Clooney, she is passionately committed to human rights causes," Walters noted. "Like Clooney, who has a father who was a journalist, she has a mother who is a journalist. And like Clooney, she is a star in her own world."
Alas, no inside dish on whether she can cook a lovely pot roast.
So, yeah, advising powerful people, Oxford, NYU, blah blah blah. Perfect wedding, perfect husband, perfect wardrobe. Plus that barrister's wig.
Amal "defended freedom of speech and women's rights -- while looking gorgeous," Walters declared.
Really, she did. Look at all the super pretty pictures. And she was so interesting, Walters didn't even have to interview her.
Mrs. Clooney joins a host of other fascinating women to lead "The View" creator's list since 1993: Hillary Clinton (three times), David Petraeus (twice), Steve Jobs, President Obama, Michelle Obama, J.K. Rowling, Nancy Pelosi, Camilla Parker Bowles, Karl Rove, Laura Bush, Lance Armstrong, Prince William of Wales, Bill Clinton, Colin Powell and Nelson Mandela.
In the wake of this year's selection, however, we feel obligated to point out the one woman who landed on the top of Babs' heap in the absence of a husband.
Yup -- it was Mother Teresa.
Top that, single ladies.