A cheap, moldy cut of flavorless action about mercenaries, sex slaves and rich mobsters in the Ukraine, “Absolution” stars
He's not a sex slave, thank heaven. The potbellied 63-year-old musician and reserve deputy sheriff -- just to pick two of the myriad job titles on his Wikipedia page -- looks to be setting some record here for least amount of effort starring in a movie.
Once, his imposing frame, beady eyes and hand-chop speed suggested an admirably silly aura of beat-down menace. But now, Seagal looks like a disgraced Vegas magician, swaddled in a big coat and sporting an unfortunate goatee, drowsy line readings and the combat prowess of a walrus.
The bad guys fall down anyway, which amounts to the only true acting worth its salt in the film. I like to imagine that Byron Mann -- as Seagal's Chinese hitman partner Chi -- looked at his own actual hitting, tumbling and kicking duties next to his costar's and thought, "Really?"
MPAA rating: R for violence, language, drug use
Running time: 1 hour, 35 minutes