Review: ‘Poseidon Rex’ falls short of ‘Sharknado’ ambitions

The natural-disaster B-movie “Poseidon Rex” would fit perfectly in the SyFy programming lineup had it boasted the likes of Tara Reid and John Heard of “Sharknado.” With a cast of unknowns, the most logical distribution avenue for it would be — theatrical?

The title says it all: The centerpiece of “Poseidon Rex” is an amphibian variety of Tyrannosaurus rex that terrorizes people off the coast of Belize. But can it swim? Has it developed an appetite for neoprene wet suits? Does anyone care?

In spite of what their wooden expressions and monotonous voices may suggest, the characters know it all. Unfazed by the revival of an extinct prehistoric species as if it were routine, they even manage to squeeze in some sexy time in the face of imminent danger.

PHOTOS: Box office top 10 of 2013

Screenwriter Rafael Jordan and director Mark Lester unnecessarily embrangle the film with irrelevant subplots involving local thugs, treasure hunters and lost Mayan gold. The gangsters barge in on what is relatively the film’s best scene, in which Anne McDaniels’ buxom marine biologist cracks open a P-rex egg with her impeccably painted nails.

The filmmakers forget the fundamentals of B-movie 101: Skin-baring spring breakers make for the most qualified carnage.

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“Poseidon Rex.”

MPAA rating: None.

Running time: 1 hour, 19 minutes.

Playing: At Laemmle’s Monica 4-Plex, Santa Monica.