UCLA fans can drink it in

The press box in the Rose Bowl sits two floors up, the same area that’s home to the UCLA chancellor and the school’s big donors, this year the muckety-mucks walking to their seats after passing a table loaded with booze.

From left to right, it’s Seagram’s gin, Smirnoff vodka, Bacardi rum, Ketel One vodka, Grey Goose vodka, Blanco tequila, Tanqueray gin, Bombay Sapphire gin, Jose Cuervo tequila, Jim Beam bourbon, Maker’s Mark bourbon, Black Label Scotch, Hennessy cognac, Jack Daniels, Crown Royal whiskey, Amstel Light beer, Heineken, Corona, Miller Lite, Budweiser, Bud Light, Coors Light, Chardonnay wine, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir and Merlot.

It obviously takes an enormous amount of liquor these days to convince anyone to watch the Bruins play football.

This might also explain the less-than-half-filled stadium Saturday night, the fact they don’t sell beer or hard liquor elsewhere in the Rose Bowl.

On a sober note, though, because the liquor is off limits to the media, it appears early on that Houston is nothing special, and if the Bruins are going to be successful it will have to be against a team that’s nothing special.

Houston arrived having defeated such lightweights as Texas State and Texas El Paso while surrendering 52 points in the process. It became obvious the Bruins could score, and as you might imagine, no one here was prepared for that.

I know, because I checked. There was no champagne on ice, although I would imagine the tickled donors were probably too pickled to care.

THE DODGERS noted Saturday that Matt Kemp is the only player to have appeared in all 148 games this season — like that’s a good thing.

THE PAST few homestands Kemp has asked the Dodgers to play the song “Blowin’ Money Fast” whenever he comes to the plate.

Remarkably, the Dodgers agreed, although the song includes repeated obscenities, a reference to using cocaine, a derogatory name for a woman, and a number of racial slurs.

As for Dodger Stadium’s family environment, it’s a great way for parents now to bond with their children, explaining why both player and team believe there’s no reason why children shouldn’t grow up more quickly.

The Dodgers said they have edited out anything that might offend someone or will cut it off before it gets to the really bad parts, but kids, you can go home now and look up the lyrics of your hero’s favorite song and maybe next time sing along.

AS MUCH as I admire Joe Torre, I have advice for Don Mattingly that might offend Torre. Tell him to get lost.

Torre has plans to vacation with his wife and then join Mattingly in Arizona where Mattingly intends to work as a manager in the Fall League. Mattingly needs to tell Torre to extend that vacation and allow him to manage on his own.

JONATHAN BROXTON sits like dead weight in the Dodgers clubhouse, which is what he has become this season, flashing as much personality as the chair beneath him.

There is a definite air of “I don’t care” surrounding him, and when he’s asked for his reaction after hearing so many fans boo him a night earlier, Broxton grunts, “whatever.”

He really doesn’t care, which maybe explains why most of the Dodgers came off as such underachievers this season.

WHAT A pleasure to watch the development of Clayton Kershaw, the Dodgers probably using him to sell tickets next season: Come see Clayton pitch every fifth day.

As for every other day, stay home.

I THINK it’s interesting that on the day L.A.’s two former NFL teams, the Rams and Raiders, are playing each other, the Chargers and Jaguars, the two teams most likely to move here, will be playing in San Diego and nobody will be watching — the game blacked out locally.

PETER O’MALLEY is the finest gentleman I have ever met in sports. I remain a big fan, and at no risk of being called a liar, I believe I’m the last one around here who would ever defend the McCourts.

But O’Malley’s comments the other day, while on target, were also suspect based on his own history. Had the folks in Brooklyn had their way, they would have had O’Malley’s father sell the team rather move it to L.A.

And like McCourt who wants to do so, O’Malley’s father passed the team on to his son.

More than that, the suggestion made by O’Malley that McCourt sell to local ownership is hypocritical given his decision to put the Dodgers in the hands of Fox.

As well-meaning as he was in trying to build a football stadium, and I was there with him from day one, O’Malley would only do so if seen as the savior riding to L.A.’s rescue on a white horse. He stopped as soon as the political winds shifted toward efforts to build Staples Center.

He’s placed himself on the white horse again, and while there’s no question he’s more highly regarded, and with good reason, than the McCourts, in his final 10 years as owner of the team it never won a playoff game.

No one probably has a problem applauding O’Malley for his stinging remarks, but to be fair O’Malley doesn’t deserve a free pass just because everyone is in the mood to pile on the McCourts.

IT’S BEEN an education listening to 830, the Arte Moreno/Angels radio station, every pro Angels show sounding the same — the Angels still going to win it all and Bobby Abreu one day getting into the Hall of Fame.

So this is what it must have been like in Russia, more propaganda than facts, no one dare upset Arte or maybe they might never be heard again.

t.j.simers@latimes.com