Tiger Woods’ ‘mistress’ list hits double digits (Trangressions R Us, Part 3)
This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.
You know that saying, one death is a tragedy, thousands of deaths is a statistic?
Could be Tiger Woods’ strategy regarding extramarital affairs.
Welcome to ‘Transgressions R Us, Part 3, Porn Stars and Pancakes edition’ -- the post in which the number of women possibly partying in Tiger’s pants climbs into double digits, the Oprah rumor is debunked and some guy blames Miley Cyrus.
Over the weekend the count climbed to six women -- or is it seven? Eight? Oh, how about 10! Ten is a nice round number! -- who are fessing up to getting down with Mr. Woods. (If you click those links, remember that the numbers are changing faster than people are hiring lawyers.)
~~ As always, return now to your spreadsheet or your nonfat, half-caf latte if you think you’re better than we are. You’ve read too much already. ~~
New on the list: porn actress Holly Sampson, whose works include ‘OMG Stop Tickling Me,’ and Mindy Lawton, a former pancake-house waitress who says Tiger used her for sex. Plus club girl Cori Rist and CaddyChicks.com model Jamie Jungers. The rest of the ‘names’ on the list are currently ‘unnameds,’ but the Ministry is betting that won’t last.
At this point, we simply wonder who will score the dramatic post-scandal interview ... Oprah Winfrey, ESPN, NBC Sports and the Golf Channel are reportedly pursuing the Big Get -- though an Oprah spokesman says La Winfrey did not call Mr. Woods personally to say please-please-please.
The Ministry would love to see this handled, if it happens, by the Golf Channel, if for no other reason than it would be refreshing.
Dr. Drew Pinsky couldn’t answer the ‘is he a sex addict’ question, but he did give it the old college try. We love hearing Dr. Drew talk about fame -- he sort of recommends that Elin hang in there. The video’s embedded at the end of the post.
(Because a 16-year-old girl is far more obligated to explain a one-off, bad-decision, no-naughty-bits photo shoot than a grown, married, role-model adult billionaire is obligated to explain how he apparently couldn’t keep it in his pants with women -- plural -- who weren’t his wife? Good luck selling that elegant rationalization. Ever heard the one about doing the right thing when nobody’s looking? And if you’re going to rant, well -- you do have the right to be stupid but the Ministry prefers you at least know the difference between Vogue and Vanity Fair.)
And speaking of rationalization, do deep feelings and on-the-sly text messages really count as an affair if, as Rachel Uchitel maintains, you you never did the nasty? We’ve had that one run by us a time or two. The specter of another woman can, theoretically, be so upsetting.
In barely related news, Jim Furyk, a golfer, shot a 5-under-par round to best Graeme McDowell, another golfer, in a tournament sponsored by golfer Tiger Woods, who had opted out of golfing this weekend because he felt icky, or something like that. McDowell joined the tournament after Tiger backed out.
Well played, Graeme, well played. And congrats to Mr. Furyk. Enjoy that $1.35 million, swinger.
This would be more epic only if a Waffle House had been involved.
-- Christie D’Zurilla
The Ministry has more than just smut. We have cleverly packaged smut -- and charity news: