Miss USA Rima Fakih’s throbbing nonscandal -- would someone just get the young lady some pizza?

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Rima Fakih smiled, she thanked Donald Trump for ‘hiring’ her, she didn’t fall while walking in her gown.

What’s left for the newest Miss USA except for the requisite scandal, right? This time it comes via MySpace in the form of a 2008 short film, ‘Throbbing Justice,’ in which the former Miss Michigan appears surrounded by some of the worst non-adult-film acting ever.

And get this -- she’s fully clothed. And wait! A guy who worked on the film recalls her wanting very much to stay that way, reports. Oh, the scandal!!

So of course, the Ministry had to go to the video’s MySpace page check out the train wreck. Oddly, no crowd formed around our vast cubicle empire, not even when a plastic penis was hurled across the screen as a weapon or when the American flag was used as a hospital blanket. (Neither of those scenes, for the record, included the future Miss USA, who appears mercifully briefly.)


Full disclosure: Not for lack of trying, the Ministry didn’t make it through the whole Mantastic Films video because, at our advanced age, we tend to doze off after 15 minutes or so of anything.

Also, on Sunday night, the Ministry couldn’t help but really like this girl when, in answer to the how-do-you-feel-now-that-you’ve-won question, she replied, ‘Ask me after I’ve had a pizza.’

Our message to Fakih? Honey, when we were your age, we were in lousy student and ‘indie’ short films too and didn’t even approach how you look in a bikini. Comedy is hard. You kept your shirt on. It happens. And if it’s any consolation, you come off looking a lot better than pretty much the entire rest of the cast. Which, now that we think about it, probably isn’t that difficult, given your whole ‘beauty queen’ thing.

Gotta go. Pizza time.

-- Christie D’Zurilla

The Ministry of Gossip is just pulsating with nonspecific scandalous happenings. Want all our headlines? Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter (we’re @LATcelebs) or ‘like’ us into your news feed on Facebook.