Opinion: King me!

This article was originally on a blog post platform and may be missing photos, graphics or links. See About archive blog posts.

Among the more obscure provisions of the U.S. Constitution is Article I, Section 9, Clause 8: ‘No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State.’

Unfortunately, this provision doesn’t bind journalists or bureaucrats. Thus the head government honcho who was to preside over the ill-dated auto-industry bailout was referred to as the ‘car czar’ and Carol Browner has been appointed -- or crowned - as the Obama administration’s ‘environment czar.’

And that’s not all. Chris Tucker, a spokesman for the Institute for Energy Research, told Bloomberg News: ‘Put the environment czar alongside the auto czar next to the technology czar cattycorner to the copyright czar, and before you know it, these guys are going to have more czars over there than the Romanov Dynasty.’

I have always wondered why journalists are so fond of ‘czar’ as shorthand for a government official with extraordinary jurisdiction. One theory is that it’s a short word that fits snugly into limited headline space. This may be why pornographers are often referred to in headlines as ‘vice lords.’ At my former newspaper in Pittsburgh, a headline writer described the boss of an illegal gambling racket as a ‘bet baron,’ prompting speculation in the newsroom about whether, according to protocol, a vice lord should enter the room before a bet baron.

But even ordinary Americans seem to have a fascination with rank and royalty. A prominent potential senator from New York is a member of the Kennedy ‘dynasty.’ Managers of political campaigns are ‘kingmakers.’ Spoiled American teenage girls are called ‘princesses.’ Elvis was (is?) the King. Aretha is the Queen of Soul.

Perhaps we’re compensating for the Constitution’s ban on titles of nobility. But why? Are inhabitants of this Republic just as susceptible to the mesmerism of monarchy as supposedly less advanced societies. Maybe we should remember that word ‘czar’ is the Slavic version of ‘Caesar.’

Anyone for a Economy Emperor?