‘Idol’ Banter: Female trouble*

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“What you brought to it was familiarity.” That’s a Paula-ism you just want to frame and put on a wall. ‘Idol’s’ own Yogi Berra was throwing fuzzy praise at Brooke White, whose competent rendition of Carly Simon’s signature song, “You’re So Vain,” was the best substitute for excitement on yet another shaky Girls’ Night. White skillfully adopted the wry tone and slinky phrasing that Simon originated in her version, adding enough contemporary-country twang to invoke her guardian angel, Carrie Underwood. But if this is what stands out among this year’s female competitors, there’s no way a boy can’t win.

Let’s face it: “You’re So Vain” is basically impossible to interpret. Simon wrote herself right into it: not only the famously gossipy lyrics but the very rhythms and melodic lines of the song reflect the sleepy soulfulness and moderate libertinism she patented as the Erica Jong of pop. Simon’s voice emanates sweet sorrow when she sings those lines about clouds in her coffee; White grinned through the song like she was on the Mickey Mouse Club. That’s the difference between a seasoned woman meditating on things worth revealing, and a cute, self-professed naif putting on a 1970s show.

White’s self-righteous cheeriness grates, but at least she has a self she thinks is worth projecting. Body-stiffening fear is the flaw that unites most of this year’s female contestants –- the judges keep saying they’re choosing the wrong songs, but what’s worse is that most don’t have the guts to commit to their decisions.

The program’s two unexpected turns –- Syesha Mercado’s Erykah Badu-ized version of Billy Paul’s “Me and Mrs. Jones” and Alexandrea Lushington’s bravely bizarre cover of Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now” -- suffered from meek execution. And Amanda Overmyer’s milk-curdling destruction of an already bad Kansas song might have worked if she hadn’t been stiff as a cadaver.

My theory is that Carly Smithson’s dark fatalism has infected the others. The poor woman was brought down by Internet gossip before the competition even began, and now she’s become the show’s Hillary -– a total pro taken aback by the fact she’s just not doing that well.

Smithson was supposed to be the show’s front-runner; instead, she’s being upstaged by David Archuleta, a genteel youngster with irresistible momentum. The Irish singer practically made a concession speech tonight, saying twice that she’d fulfilled her biggest dream by singing tonight’s selection, Heart’s “Crazy On You.”

It was sorta like that moment in the Texas debate, when Sen. Clinton talked about the wounded veterans who’d helped her find perspective. Carly Smithson might take comfort in Hill’s words: “The hits I’ve taken are nothing compared to what goes on every single day in the lives of people across our country.” But that doesn’t mean she can’t resent that young guy across the aisle from her, who’s stealing her thunder so effortlessly.

-- Ann Powers

*In an earlier version of this post, the word ‘libertinism’ was incorrectly changed to ‘libertarianism.’