‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ recap: Medium Lips


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You gotta love the Bev Housewives. No charity events, purse designing, or thread-trailing fashion lines for them this season. No, when the grueling work of ski vacations, lunching and cake-choosing is done, except for Adrienne and Lisa, they simply lie down and get Botox.

Nonsurgical mini-treatment tryouts and a seance were the order of the day, the first courtesy of Mr. Maloof, who apparently has no end of friends willing to be injected with unknown substances. Kyle’s muffin top was the subject of a laser treatment that actually involved melting the fat, which raised uncomfortable parallels with last episode’s roast chicken, also at Adrienne’s house. Taylor continued with her vain (and by this, I mean in vain) project of filling in the lines of her dessicated punim. And Kim, who looks refreshingly untreated to my innocent eyes, finally consented to getting a minor prick to her lips.


This last was good for viewers, because even though it involved yet another unbearable close-up of the torture that keeps ladies who lunch, well, bizarrely plasticine, we finally learned why Kim seems drunk. It’s not wine, apparently, but the staggering cocktail of Trazedone, Topomax, and Lexapro that has reduced her to someone who seems like she’s drinking a lot of Ramona’s Pinot Grigio. That a cocktail this massive is the kind of thing you only give to someone who’s been ingesting way too much of something wasn’t mentioned, though Mr. Maloof, to his credit, did suggest to Kim that she discuss with her psychiatrist that her eyes were often half-closed.

In the chamber of fillers, we also had yet another disembodied visitation from Russell, who had sent Lisa, who was on the premises to nose around, an email detailing that he and Taylor were very much in love, and that his business was up 900%. Lisa presented it to Kyle in perplexity; Kyle neglected to mention Taylor’s abject suspicions that Lisa had leaked negative rumors to Us Weekly. (Brief digression: why the ladies refrain from mentioning things that will shortly be beamed to millions, I will never know.) As we know now that his business was in shambles, and previews reveal are about to reveal his marriage was, too, the email has an odd piquancy, a note that the man was trying to keep things together, albeit increasingly, like Taylor’s face, in vain.

Speaking of the odd piquancy of communications from the now-dead, the latter half of the show was consumed with a seance in which a fake-cigarette-less lady revealed, through the voices of dead forebears, that Adrienne was hard-working, Camille should celebrate her divorce, Taylor needed to worry about dark influences and Lisa’s grandmother was happy Lisa had taken her in before she died. LADIES. May I remind you again. YOU ARE FAMOUS AND YOUR LIVES ARE BEAMED TO MILLIONS, THEN DISSECTED ON THE WEB. I can give you a psychic reading, no problem.

Kyle -- that muffin-top thing is not going to work. BOOM. And as @BravoAndy would say, Mazel.


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— Lizzie Skurnick