Opinion: Coming soon: Kristen, the video


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You’re probably wondering this morning, given all the political sex news out of New York state these days about the former governor and the new governor and the new governor’s wife and their numerous affairs with other people and the Client #9 T-shirts, what’s happened to Kristen.

Obviously, all this political fallout is her fault. She started the whole thing by being a high-priced prostitute and forcing Client #9 to transfer thousands of dollars from covert accounts.

And since her space on MySpace is gone now, along with this photo, we’re all left with no way of knowing. Well, there is news. Kristen is going to run for governor of New York on a pro-vice ticket.


Just kidding. But according to the Associated Press, word came late Tuesday from Joe Francis that we will soon be seeing a whole lot more of Kristen, aka Ashley Alexandra Dupre. You may recognize Joe’s name from the reputation and fortune he’s made from the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ videos that have sold so many thousand copies but nobody you know says they’ve ever seen.

The Ticket has never seen them either, but we’re told these videos involve passing parades of what appear to be sophomore women in sophomoric displays of undress and other non-academic activities seemingly during spring break celebrations. Joe’s been in some legal trouble for such things over the years, having been recently released in Florida for filming underage girls and still facing federal tax evasion charges.

But that didn’t stop him, he says, from offering a million dollars to Kristen’s lawyer to film her. But wait, he said, someone thought to check his company’s archives and, lo and behold, there are hours of tapes of said Kristen from 2003 when she traveled to Miami to celebrate her 18th birthday, got in a fight with her girlfriend, was thrown out of her hotel and happened to spend a week on the Gone Wild bus.

Why wouldn’t the parent of any 18-year-old girl approve such a celebration?

Just doing the math here. This is 2008 and Kristen is said to be 22. So five years ago she would have been, oh, never mind.

Joe tells AP he’s offering website access to those tapes for a lot less than the $1,000 an hour that Client #9 paid. He says it’s like finding a winning lottery ticket in his couch.

What a coincidence! Just what we were thinking.

-- Andrew Malcolm

Photo Credit: MySpace via AFP/Getty Images