Opinion: Obama White House sets traps for its newest First Family

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The Obamas are not the only family to move into the White House in recent weeks.

A family of presumably Republican raccoons, left homeless by the housing crisis caused by eight years of failed administration policies and the ongoing stalemate over the earmark-pocked economic stimulus package, has also moved onto the rent-free presidential grounds.

And the National Park Service is hunting each member down. Or trying to.

Seriously.

The presence of unauthorized raccoons ‘gives us great paws,’ said a bemused White House spokesman Bill Burton.

Groundskeepers have set out several traps for the nocturnal creatures, using bipartisan bait -- cat food, apples and peanut butter, presumably untainted. So far to no avail on the well-manicured acreage that resembles any welcoming urban park, save for the lack of blowing refuse, the heavily armed patrols, motion detectors, secret tunnels and video surveillance of every square inch. Still, no prisoners.

If captured and confirmed by the Senate, and their tax records found up to date, the First Raccoons will experience rendition to a wooded area in an unidentified location, Burton said. He didn’t actually say the Senate part, but it’s better than being thrown under an administration bus like some others these days.

--Andrew Malcolm

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Photo credits: SayNotoCrack.com (partisan raccoon); R&R Rehab (begging raccoon); National Park Service (climbing raccoon); Illinois Dept. of Natural Resources (snowball-making raccoon).