Charles White : ‘I’m Still Standing’

Every time he stepped on a football field during his years at USC, Charles White felt that all he needed was the ball and sufficient running room and he could take care of everything else.

He was in control. In those days, White used to brashly describe himself as a human bowling ball, flattening potential tacklers like so many stationary pins. Nothing could stop him because, as far as White was concerned, he was indestructible.

If only White could have maintained as stringent control over other aspects of his life, perhaps the bowling-ball analogy would still fit and White would have achieved the stardom in the National Football League that many predicted.

But in the six years since White left USC with the Heisman Trophy in one hand and a lucrative contract with the Cleveland Browns in the other, he has been dragged down from behind by forces both in and out of his control. There has been a long, continuous struggle with cocaine addiction, two temporarily debilitating injuries that stunted White’s development, problems adapting to the Browns’ rigid offensive system and, to an extent, unrealistically high self-expectations.

Little by little, White saw his pro football career unravel. Last season, White mostly was limited to duty on the scout team in practice and special teams in games and, in June, the Browns released him.

Typically, though, he hasn’t stayed down long. He says that he hasn’t used drugs for more than three years and that he’s as healthy as ever. Most important, White appears to have regained a future in the NFL as a reserve running back with the Rams, coached, not coincidentally, by former USC coach John Robinson.

So what if White is competing for the third-string running back spot and only figures to return kickoffs. A lot of obstacles have been in White’s way since he last played in Southern California and, as he said after his first training camp workout with Ram rookies and free agents, “I’m still standing.”

Once, White stood taller than any other college football player. It may seem like ages ago, but it actually has been a little more than five years since White won the Heisman Trophy, signifying college football’s outstanding player, and led USC to a dramatic 17-16 win over Ohio State in the 1980 Rose Bowl.

After that, though, you didn’t see or hear much from White in these parts. He ran headlong into obscurity in Cleveland, which drafted him in the first round of the 1980 draft.

Now, White is back home again but not yet back into the spotlight. In fact, White is the first to admit he might never recapture the fame he had at USC.

“I’m just another player,” White said after a recent Rams practice. “I can accept that. But when I get a chance, then I’ll try to show them. All I can do right now is accept what I’ve got. I’m going to keep fighting.”

White says he can live without fame as long as he has stability. What he definitely cannot live without is football itself. He won’t let anything--whether it be stronger, younger and faster players or the crippling effects of cocaine--hold him back.

Not anymore.

People used to marvel at the near perfection of Charles White’s body, when he was at USC. At 6-foot, 185 pounds, White was built as solidly as the bronze statue of Tommy Trojan and was as flexible as Gumby.

Once, when tests were performed to determine the body fat percentage of USC players, White registered 1.94% of fat.

Seemingly impervious to pain, White usually carried the ball 40 times a game in his head-banging, body-slamming style. More than once he came back into the game being knocked unconscious. He even went back in the game after breaking his nose.

“Charles had an incredibly strong and durable body,” said Ram special teams Coach Gil Haskell, who coached at USC during White’s years. “It was the best of any player we had.”

So, it must have seemed unfathomable that White would abuse such a body with cocaine. Or maybe he felt that if he could withstand running into 250-pound defensive ends he could surely handle this.

Only White knows the reasons for his drug use, which began at USC and reached its most severe stage during his second season in Cleveland, and he isn’t eager to bare his soul to just anyone.

As if to shield himself from outsiders, White did not remove his reflective sunglasses during a 45-minute interview inside a cafeteria at the Rams’ training center. He spoke clearly and concisely, also without emotion.

“I’m beyond the point of worrying about where it started,” White said. “At the time I needed help, I got help. What I think about is, what am I going to do with it tomorrow? Am I high today? No. I can’t look back or to the future.”

White developed that philosophy while undergoing treatment in the summer of 1982 at the CareUnit rehabilitation center in Orange, where many athletes have been treated for chemical dependency.

That same message was reinforced the last two and a half years by doctors at the Browns’ Inner Circle, an after-care program for players with drug or alcohol addictions.

In both programs, White learned to identify not only the solution but the cause of his problems. The solution, White said, is to try to stay clean a day at a time. It isn’t easy to determine the cause, but White said it had a lot to do with the environment in San Fernando, where he grew up.

White’s parents left when he was young. He was raised by his grandparents in a neighborhood that he describes as a ghetto.

“It’s something you grew up with,” said White. “That was the big thing. When you’re younger, you say, ‘Let’s go out for a couple beers. Then, it’s pot or coke, whatever. It leads you on.

“When I was doing it, I had a lot of denial. I kept saying, my body is OK. It got to the point where the inside was crying out for help but the outside was trying to live up to be that tough person.”

Toughness, apparently, was a requirement in White’s neighborhood.

“Growing up there, you either had to be tough or pretend that you were tough,” White said. “I guess I pretended I was tough. Nah, I wasn’t tough. The type of people you were associated with, they were the type that if they wanted ou to get into something, you couldn’t back down. I’m not going to get into specifics. But you had to live up to the machoism that was there. You know, things like, ‘This is what a man is supposed to be like.’ ”

And what happened when someone backed down?

“I never found out,” White said, smiling. “I never went that route.”

Indeed, White found it difficult to back down. In earlier interviews, White has said that he first tried cocaine at USC but had started with other drugs while attending San Fernando High School.

Robinson and former USC quarterback Paul McDonald said White hid his drug taking well during his college career. It certainly didn’t seem to affect his on-field performance.

“I wasn’t really aware of it in college,” said McDonald, who followed White to Cleveland as the Browns’ quarterback. “His performance was never below par. Looking back, the only thing I noticed--and I didn’t make a connection until much later--was during Rose Bowl practice our senior year. Charlie missed a couple practices before the game and I asked our quarterback coach, Paul Hackett, about it. All he said was that Charlie had personal problems. We (McDonald and White) weren’t buddy, buddy, so I didn’t know.”

Robinson, interviewed separately, also mentioned White’s absence at Rose Bowl practices as the only indications there might have been a problem. But he also said he wasn’t looking for signs at that time.

“I think we were pretty naive back then,” Robinson said. “But in the last part of his time at USC, you could see it. He missed practices and appointments before and after the Rose Bowl.

“I don’t think any of us said, ‘Well, he’s the last guy we’d think would do that.’ . . . Obviously, it was a numbing and disappointing feeling (when I found out). He was somebody you cared about.”

The Browns cared about White, as a person and an investment. After White had missed several practices his first two seasons in Cleveland and performed below standards, the Browns approached White about his chemical dependency.

After all, White was the club’s first-round draft choice and his career seemed in jeopardy. White also felt it was time to seek help.

“It got to the point where Sam (Rutigliano, the former coach) and (owner) Art Modell said, ‘Hey, you need help. You aren’t responding the way you should.’ So, we went there.”

He underwent a month long program at the CareUnit in July, 1982. It came at a time when sports fans were still feeling the shock of a series of pro football players who admitted cocaine addiction, beginning with Don Reese’s explosive admission in Sports Illustrated.

News of White’s cocaine problem made headlines not only here and in Cleveland but many other cities. This was, after all, a former Heisman Trophy winner and, at the time, the second-leading rusher in NCAA history.

When White completed his stay at CareUnit and rejoined the Browns at training camp, Modell convinced White to clear the air with a press conference. Modell says it was a scene he won’t soon forget.

“That was one of the most extraordinary press conferences I’ve ever been involved with,” Modell said. “It took an enormous amount of courage to stand in front of you vultures (sportswriters) and admit to his problem. He made a clean breast of things.

“He was already addicted to cocaine when he came to us, but I was determined to help in any way possible.”

That wasn’t just talk. Modell, former Coach Sam Rutigliano and doctors at the Cleveland Clinic developed a program for players called the Inner Circle. When White was in Cleveland, he was one of approximately a dozen Browns to take part in the program, which included a variety of therapy.

In addition to submitting to twice-weekly urine checks, the players were supported by a team of psychiatrists, doctors and a spiritual counselor.

Dr. Gregory B. Collins, head of the clinic’s alcohol and drug recovery center, worked extensively with White and said he was one of the more dedicated Browns.

“Charles has done exceptionally well,” Collins said. “I have a lot of confidence in the quality of the recovery he’s put together. He’s built a whole new life for himself, a life that’s stable. His attitude, as far as drugs is concerned, is very resolute. He’s committed to staying with it.

“I think he finally realized it was destructive to his career and his family life. People, especially athletes, tend not to realize the severity of what’s going on. Part of the treatment is helping people understand that. There’s a feeling of, ‘Well, I have the talent to compensate for that. It’s not hurting me.’ ”

People close to White talk about how impressively he has handled his addiction in much the same manner they talked about his football ability. One thing that hasn’t changed is their opinion of White as a person.

McDonald said he didn’t get close to White until their five-year association in Cleveland.

“I really didn’t get to know him in college because he was always the star, the man, and I just didn’t hang out with him. Charles was a leader, but only in the huddle and by his actions. The experience he had with drugs and the fact that he overcame that, shows me that he’s grown. Because of that, he may be a better person today than if that hadn’t occured.”

Said Modell: “He was a great kid. I have a very warm affection for Charles. As far as fitting into the team, he was very, very popular and a leader when he sobered up.”

White assures that he is sober now. He also knows that, as long as he remains in football, he’s going to have to answer questions about his drug problem. Already this summer at the Rams’ training camp, White has seemingly been asked about it hundreds of times. He says he has found the strength, through the support of his wife, Judi, and his faith in God.

The day after White was re leased from the Browns, a phone call came to Modell’s office. The secretary buzzed him and said it was White on the line. He said it was urgent.

A plea for a second chance? An angry good riddance?

No, it turned out to be sort of a verbal thank-you card, as Modell recalls. A few days later, the Whites sent Modell roses.

“I called because I wanted to thank you for saving my life,” White told him. “I’ll always be thankful for that.”

Modell, in turn, told White that if he ever wrote a book, White would be worth a chapter. “A very important chapter,” Modell added.

All this for a player who gained only 942 yards on 276 carries in four seasons with Cleveland. A former Heisman Trophy winner who became a washout in the pros.

Even now, after White had been cut loose, Modell maintains that selecting him in the first round of the 1980 draft was not a mistake. Although some pro scouts were skeptical of White because of his lack of size and only adequate speed (4.6 in the 40), Modell says he could have and maybe might still be a solid NFL running back.

White’s downfall in Cleveland, according to Modell and others, was the cocaine habit and two somewhat serious injuries combined with the Browns’ pass-oriented offense under Rutigliano and current Coach Marty Shottenheimer.

“The cocaine set him back from the start,” Modell said. “But he also had an unusual set of injuries. He’s had more than his share. I never believed he was too small because you’ll never find anyone as tough as Charles White.”

White prided himself in that reputation. It must have been disillusioning when his lean, mean body betrayed him and gave in to injuries.

After overcoming rookie arrogance--”Charles just needed to grow up,” former teammate Greg Pruitt said--in 1980 and his drug problems in 1981 and 1982, White seemed ready to take over the starting tailback position in 1983. He said he was in top shape and free of drugs and playing well. But during a preseason game in Buffalo that summer, he broke his right ankle and was out for the season.

“Somebody fell on me,” White recalls. “I got a helicopter ride back to Cleveland from Buffalo. It was a long ride. I felt I was really ready to prove myself that year.”

Instead, White became a forgotten Brown. Even before his 1984 comeback had a chance to develop, White was injured again. He strained ligaments in his left knee at mini-camp that spring and wasn’t fully recovered by the time training camp began.

White carried the ball only 24 times last season, gaining 62 yards. The only other times he played was as a blocker on the special teams. What made the season all the more disheartening was that the Browns used him on scout teams in practice. When the Browns prepared to meet the Rams last September, it was White’s job to portray Eric Dickerson. He even wore 29, Dickerson’s number.

“I knew all last year I was going to go in afterward and ask for something--a trade or my release,” White said. “I just wanted to get through the year. I still thought I could contribute if I got in the right situation. I think the Browns didn’t use my talents. It was tough from the start. My role changed. I was used to playing the “I-back,” seven yards deep (at USC) and then all of a sudden (at Cleveland), I had to go into a three-point stance and catch the ball.”

Stories differ as to whether it was White or the Browns who decided he should go. Modell says that White was caught in a number’s game. “We had too many good running backs and he was one to go,” Modell said. McDonald recalls phoning White’s wife at home after the announcement and trying to console her.

But White, ever confident, knew that he’d be picked up by another team. And it wouldn’t be at all bad if that team happened to be the Rams, an “I” formation team coached by Robinson.

He didn’t have to wait long for the phone call.

He’s the greatest football player in the world. . . . I’ve run out of words to describe him.

--John Robinson, 1979

Robinson was wrong on both counts. White is not the world’s greatest football player and Robinson still hasn’t run out of words to describe him.

When White was carrying the ball 39 times a games, seemingly getting stronger as the game progressed, it was appropriate for Robinson to wax hyperbolic. White continued a tradition of great USC tailbacks that started with Mike Garrett and was passed on to O.J. Simpson, Anthony Davis and Ricky Bell.

But Robinson maintains that he signed White to a free-agent contract for what he is , not what he was .

“I still think he is a complete football player, in that he can help a team in a lot of different ways,” Robinson said. “Any man who can do that can play in this league for a long time. Again, I’m not saying he’s Charlie White, superstar. He doesn’t have to carry around that burden anymore.”

With the Rams, Dickerson is the star, White a bit player. Even with Dickerson holding out for a contract extension, White isn’t the No. 1 running back in camp, Barry Redden is. Although, White’s 79 yards in 16 carries Saturday night against Houston may have people thinking differently.

“He comes into our camp and no one expects him to lead the team,” Robinson said. “He’s a role player just trying to make the team.”

White used to cringe when he was called a role player. To him, it truly was a four-letter word. Now, he welcomes any role.

“It’s great to be back with a coach I played for for four years, who knows all about me, knows what I’m capable of doing. I don’t feel (pressure) because it’s a different situation. When I was here (Southern California) before, I was the man at SC. Now, I’m coming back a role player.”

Although White has seemingly come to terms with his situation, he hasn’t forgotten the glory days at SC. The Heisman Trophy is back in White’s house in Cleveland, but he soon plans to have it shipped out with other items. White still is as enamored with the Heisman as he was when he walked into Heritage Hall as a freshman at USC and said, “I’m going to get two or three of those.

“The Heisman is my Rose Bowl of life,” White said. “I’d like to get a (Super Bowl) ring now. That would sort of put everything together.”

What White wants more than anything, though, is another real chance to prove himself.

“Give me the ball,” he said. “Give me a chance. Give me just one full year to prove myself.”

It is likely White will not often get the ball and running room with the Rams, but he is in control, nonetheless.