Here’s what I’ll donate to Live Aid if these performers do the following things:
If Madonna plasters up her belly button: 69 cents.
If David Crosby loses 20 pounds: $1.50.
If Mick Jagger gains 20 pounds: $1.50.
If Prince performs in a pair of Levis 501s: $1.
If Bruce Springsteen walks a picket line: $100.
If Tina Turner doesn’t do another MTV promo: $10.
Like many Calendar readers, I’m also prepared to help out the starving people of Ethiopia--but only if my incredibly stupid demands are met. But if they’re not, well, Ethiopia, I guess you guys are on your own.