City Hall’s in Need of a Relief Pitcher

“I sure was a lot happier, and this sure was a much happier city last year at this time.”

Waxing philosophical last week was San Diego Padres President Ballard Smith, commenting on the conviction of his friend, Mayor Roger Hedgecock, on perjury and conviction charges and the subsequent pall that had fallen over the city.

Indeed, it does seem ironic that Hedgecock’s conviction came a year to the day after the Padres played in their first World Series game. On Oct. 10, 1984, the Padres were credited not only with having completed the greatest comeback in league championship history to defeat the Chicago Cubs three games to two, but with unifying a city whose spirit had been torn asunder by the criminal charges against the mayor, the embarrassing financial imbroglio of J. David Dominelli, and the San Ysidro massacre.

“I guess this proves it takes more than a baseball team to put a city back on the right course,” added Smith.

Still, if the new mayor could bring along a solid base-stealer and a pitcher or two who might help the Padres regain their National League championship, he or she probably would have a leg up on winning the hearts of San Diegans.

For Instant Losers

Woodie Hall, the San Marcos resident and inveterate inventor of whimsical gadgets and ideas, didn’t take long to cash in on the lottery craze. Hall has marketed nationally more than 150 of his gimmicks, including membership in a Thousandaire Club (for people who have yet to earn their first million) and a series of spoof credit cards (for the Funny Bunny Club, Hurtz Rent-a-Camel and cash guarantee cards). Now he has begun the Lottery Instant Loser Club.

Saying, “Even losers can have fun,” Hall’s cards for lottery losers live by the motto, “I paid . . . I played . . . I lost.”

None of the instant winners in the state’s first lottery game need apply to Hall’s club, particularly Jim Wimberly, the Spring Valley man who won two $5,000 jackpots on tickets purchased from the same bar, Mike & Al’s Cocktails.

On the other hand, Hall might consider offering honorary memberships to anybody who takes a winning ticket down to Mexico and then has it confiscated by U.S. Border Patrol agents before claiming the cash prize.

According to Quintin Villanueva, commissioner of the United States Customs Service, Pacific Region, regulations “prohibit the importation of lottery tickets into the United States” and tickets bought in California and taken to a foreign country may not be returned across the border.

Ancient Burger Recipe

Drive-in churches have long been popular in Southern California. So why not a chain of Biblical Burgers outlets?

Actually, Jerusalem expatriates Fred Laham, Hussein Elbeir and Jasem Bier (who is Hussein’s brother but has adopted a different last name because of a typographical error on his passport) do not plan to serve sermons on the side at their Biblical Burgers restaurant in downtown Encinitas. They chose the catchy name, Elbeir said, because their meals are “prepared from authentic recipes that have been handed down from generation to generation for 1,000 years in the Holy Land.” Elbeir went on to say that the secret is in “25 herbs and spices” used to accent Biblical Burgers’ meals.

Now wait a minute, Hussein. Do you mean to tell us they were eating burgers in the Holy Land 1,000 years ago? “Well, the old American burger is just an aside for us,” he said. “Most of our menu is oriented towards health food. We thought Biblical Burgers was a good title, though.”

Elbeir said the trio recently moved to Encinitas from Mission Viejo, “because we thought the people here were perfect for our type of restaurant.” Already, Elbeir and his compatriots are pondering expansion, looking into opening Biblical Burgers in Laguna Beach, Palm Springs and La Jolla.

Glorious Puffery

It was tough to stifle the snickers when the City of Oceanside decided to hire a public relations agency to spruce up its sagging image. But it may be paying off.

In the lead paragraph of a Sports Illustrated story on a major pro surfing tournament recently held in Oceanside, SI’s Dan Levin described the site as “off a classic freeway and down a hill past a shopping mall called Cape Cod Village, to a glorious strand called Oceanside Harbor Beach.”

Obviously, the public relations campaign got to Levin. After all, when was the last time you heard Interstate 5 described as “classic?” And when was the last time anything in Oceanside was termed “glorious?”

To the Oceanside Chamber of Commerce, Levin’s description was a promotional dream come true. “It might not seem that important, but it is,” said a chamber spokesman. “People getting ready for winter Back East read this and when they decide where they want to go on vacation, they’ll have a very positive, fixed image of Oceanside. On a smaller scale, this could help us like the television of the Andy Williams golf tournament helps San Diego’s tourism every year.”