No One Will Ever Call Winslow The Answer Man

“No questions, no answers, no nothing.”

The presses are on a roll at Bartlett’s. This is definitely a quotation for the ages. It is one of those statements that says nothing, but says everything.

What does it say? A man who makes such a statement feels he owes no explanation for whatever it was that might have prompted the questions.

The person feels above the need for what might be called accountability.

This person, of course, is Kellen Winslow. He took that celebrated sabbatical in Vancouver, B.C., on Monday, failing to inform his employers that business would occupy him elsewhere for the day. They were distressed at the time. They were fearful for his welfare.

However, when it became known that Winslow had gone to Canada to promote some sort of soft drink, the Chargers were more chagrined than distressed. Since they are paying him in excess of $500,000 annually for his services, they had a right to be disturbed to learn that football is seemingly a mere part-time job.

Or was Vancouver--and a personal appearance--just a haven of convenience? Did Winslow simply have to get away from it all to exorcise the frustrations of having played so little on Sunday afternoon?

And so it was that Winslow owed an explanation.

When he sat down on Wednesday morning with Coach Don Coryell, I shudder to think he said: “Sorry, Coach. No questions, no answers, no nothing.”

I suspect Coryell held him totally accountable, and lifted from his wallet the pittance he was allowed to fine him under National Football League rules.

However, Winslow is accountable to more than just his coach and his team. He made that arrogant statement to newsmen, whose job it is to serve as a window between the public and the team the public supports. In a sense, Winslow works for the people who pay upwards of $20 a ticket.

Those folks deserved more than: “No questions, no answers, no nothing.”

Winslow was wrong about the last part of his statement. To my understanding, “no nothing” means “yes something.” What we got was nothing. Period.

At this point, it is perhaps appropriate to note that Kellen Winslow is a youth leader hereabouts. In fact, he is the founder and namesake of the Kellen Winslow Flag Football League. Indeed, he is said to be quite actively involved in that endeavor.

If this organization is patterned in the image of its founder, I would guess some of the rules and regulations might be a bit unusual. I have not seen a set of KWFFL rules, but this is how I would guess they might read:

“Practice--This is mandatory, unless you have a chance to go to the zoo or Sea World or a birthday party for your cousin in Jamul. If you have something better to do, don’t bother calling. Just have a good time.

“Meetings--These are mandatory, unless you have a chance to make some money mowing lawns or shining shoes or selling flowers on a street corner. Come back when you feel like it and there won’t be any questions.

“Coaches--Your coach has the final word in all matters. If you disagree with him, such as on how much he allows you to play, your best bet is to threaten to leave the country. Or just leave the country.

“Equipment--Treat your equipment with care. Nothing is to be thrown but footballs and helmets. Footballs are to be thrown when you are on the field and helmets are to be thrown when you are not on the field, but think you should be.

“Referees--They are human. They do the best they can, but they make mistakes. If on a given play you feel as if they have done you wrong, yell at them. They may walk away, but perseverance is to be admired. Follow them. They may penalize you, but 15 yards is not too great a price to pay for sticking with your principles.

“Games--The Game is the ultimate experience. Don’t miss one, unless you find out other players on your team--or other teams--are getting higher allowances. In such cases, detail your dilemma to the media and then leave town for a Caribbean cruise.

“Media--These people can be useful if you have something to sell or, as above, a personal ‘wrong’ to be righted. However, you must be careful on all other occasions. They don’t always ask the questions you might want to answer. In that case, say: ‘No questions, no answers, no nothing’--and then turn your back.”

I hope the rules and regulations for the Kellen Winslow Flag Football League do not read like the ones listed above. I hope they say things about character and respect and responsibility and sportsmanship.

If Kellen Winslow stands up to deliver the keynote speech at a KWFFL banquet, I hope he addresses those real values.

However, just let some urchin raise his hand with one of those nuisance questions.

I can just imagine Winslow’s answer: No questions, no answers, no nothing.