Christmas in ‘Nasty’ New York

The Boston Celtics are saying bah-humbug to the league Grinch responsible for scheduling the Celtics to play the New York Knicks in New York on Christmas Day.

Kevin McHale pulled a fast one on his 2-year-old daughter and told her that Santa visits Boston first, then the rest of the world Dec. 25. “It’s a disaster. We told Kristyn that Santa is coming tonight (Monday), since the team is leaving the night before (Christmas).”

Even though the league has offered to pay for the Celtics to bring their wives and children along, McHale nixed the trip and ripped New York. “How would you like to have your wife and kids wake up Christmas morning in a dirty, nasty hotel in a dirty, nasty city?”

So much for that job with the New York Convention Bureau, Kevin . . .

Trivia Time: Who was the last NCAA Division I men’s basketball player to average more than 40 points a game for a season? (Answer below).

Playing hardball: Vin Scully commented that if the Pittsburgh drug hearings are ever made into a movie, it could be called “From Here to Immunity.”

Like many other observers of college football, Paul Daugherty of the Dallas Times Herald is fed up with the proliferation of post-season bowl games. Where will it all end? This is Daugherty’s answer: “Sooner or later, of course, we will have the Fun Bowl. A six-man flag football team from Malibu, Calif., will surf cross-continent to play a team from Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

“Awards will be given for best tan, whitest teeth and most frequent use of the words, ‘like’, ‘radical’ and ‘wow’.

“Unlike most of the other bowls, Fun Bowl schools will not take home much cash. But during Fun Bowl Week, both teams will ride the space shuttle, climb the Matterhorn, walk on the moon, meet Madonna and the President, shake hands with the Pope and overthrow a Third World government.”

Add Dallas Times Herald: It’s an understandable slip, and Jack Sheppard made it. Referring to everyone’s favorite chubby chum, William (The Refrigerator) Perry, Sheppard wrote that “Perry’s roll as the team’s short-yardage battering ram will become more limited.”

His roll more limited? A diet, perhaps?

Life in the fast lane: San Antonio Spurs forward Alfredrick Hughes, on being charged with speeding: “When you’re feeling young, and strong, and rich, there’s no way you can drive 55 miles an hour.”

Add forgetable quotes: Tampa Bay running back James Wilder, explaining the difference between himself and New York Jet runner Freeman McNeil: “We’re totally different. He’s quick, he’s strong, I’m the same.”

Trivia answer: Johnny Neumann of Mississippi averaged 40.1 points a game during the 1970-71 season.

Quotebook

Dallas Mavericks’ Coach Dick Motta, reminiscing on his youth in Midvale, Utah: “My hometown was so small we didn’t even have a village idiot. Me and my brother had to take turns.”