Fridge Finds Offer He <i> Can </i> Refuse

Covering Super Bowl week festivities can be a terrifying experience, even for the most grizzled of reporters, because of the lurking danger that nothing will happen.

Fortunately, someone usually comes to the rescue. Joe Namath stretches out on a pool-side lounge and guarantees a win. John Matuszak runs amok after hours on Bourbon Street.

This year, we didn’t have to wait long for a bombshell. Unless something bigger comes up, which is hard to imagine, Super Bowl XX will go down in history as the week that the Refrigerator Perry-Cyndi Lauper feud rocked the nation.

By the time you read this, Fridge probably will be trying frantically to deny the story, or to play it down. Forget it, baby. The ugly truth spilled out Tuesday.

During the picture day interviews on the Superdome field, William (The Refrigerator) Perry, the Bears’ rookie defensive tackle, was asked about a movie offer he had turned down.

“I had an offer, but I didn’t want to do it,” Perry said.

“Why not?” he was asked.

He shrugged.

“What kind of movie?” he was asked.

“Just a movie.”

“What was it about?”

“Something about Cyndi Lauper. She was going to be a wrestler or something. I was gonna be her bodyguard.”

“So why did you turn it down?”

“I just didn’t like it.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t care for her, really.”

I guess we all should have seen it coming, this Fridge-Cyndi rift. Even though they share a similar philosophy of life--they both just wanna have fu-un--and a similar meteoric rise to fame, something had to give. Hollywood’s not big enough for both of them.

It’s barely big enough for Perry, even at his currently streamlined 306 pounds.

Still, you have to wonder what Cyndi did to annoy the Fridge. This is a guy not easy to rile. This is a young man of uncommon patience and seemingly unbendable good nature.

When he came to the Bears, the coach he would work directly under, Buddy Ryan, referred to Perry as “a wasted draft pick” and “fat boy.”

Perry’s teammates nicknamed him Biscuit and Mudslide.

Did Perry pout, or bristle? No way. He smiled and went along with the fun.

The media rain down on him a constant barrage of questions about his fatness, and does Perry grow weary, roll his eyes, demand a change of subject? No, he handles each question with a smile.

“If you can ask it, I’ll answer it for you,” he said.

And even though he doesn’t have a keen, reactive sense of humor, as you might find in a hip city kid, Perry does seem to have a touch of Yogi Berra in him.

There’s William’s famous quote: “Even when I was little I was big.” And when his Clemson team was slapped with a two-year TV probation by the NCAA, he said: “I don’t know if I can go two years without watching TV.”

Monday, when asked about the pressure of the Super Bowl, Fridge said: “It’s just like all the rest of the games, only bigger.”

Speaking of bigger, Perry isn’t. At Clemson he played at around 360, and some say he flirted with being the first athlete since Ted Williams to break a magic 400 barrier.

Now, as I said, Perry’s about 306, and would like to get down to 295, although he said, “If I get too weak, I’d have to put the weight back on.”

At whatever weight, Perry is apparently the only fat American who isn’t desperately seeking thinness. He has what you might call wide pride.

“I look great now,” The Fridge says. “I love myself. When I was 360, I loved myself then, too.”

The Bears love him, too. He has developed into a fine pro player, with enormous potential. The Raiders, who drafted immediately after the Bears, reportedly would have snagged Perry, but settled for Jessie Hester. And the Raiders are notoriously cagey judges of unusual talent. So he isn’t just a waddly novelty.

Maybe best of all, Perry has shown an innate ability not to be spoiled by his instant fame and fortune.

For instance, he remains a faithful husband and father. Asked about his mail, Fridge said: “I don’t get no letters from no ladies. . . . If I see one with a girl’s name on it, I throw it in the trash.”

At restaurants, he insists on waiting his turn in line, rather than accepting the traditional celebrity perk of being whisked immediately to the best table.

“I don’t want to barge in front of someone been waiting all day,” he said.

Maybe you develop this kind of temperament and patience by being brought up in a family of 12 children in the rural South. Certainly Perry has learned to overlook insults and appreciate good fortune.

“Everything is a highlight for me,” he said, when someone asked him to single out one moment. “The whole season is a highlight.”

Still, contemplating all the pleasant and enjoyable aspects of young William’s personality only serves to deepen the mystery of the feud.

Will he and Cyndi Lauper ever mend their rift? Is it something their respective agents can work out? Wouldn’t Cyndi and Fridge be the hottest duet since Mick Jagger and Tina Turner? Is The Fridge cool toward Madonna, too?

Here at the Super Bowl, perspiring minds want to know.