The Recruiting Game: Parents Can Write the Rules : When Coaches Begin Gearing Up Their Efforts, It’s Time for the Family to Take the Offensive

So your son plays football.

He plays it pretty well. In fact, your son is the next Joe Namath/O.J. Simpson/Dick Butkus with a little Garo Yepremian kicked in. He’s a can’t miss prospect, destined for greatness. Well, that is, if he’s given the proper guidance and coaching, the recruiters tell you.

But you’re worried. Your mind flashes to recruiting scandals at TCU, SMU, Oklahoma, USC, Florida, Arizona State and intimations of shady practices at practically every other university besides Caltech.

You also remember reading about coaches’ constant visits, phone calls and letters making life unbearable for a family in their own home.

You’re torn. You want what’s best for your son--a good school, good athletic career, big scholarship--but you don’t want his name ending up on the wrong side of a headline. You also would like to retain some semblance of a normal home life as the brigade of recruiters comes after him.

Is it possible to do it all?

There are those in Orange County who say it is.

There’s Johnny Weatherspoon, whose son Chuck (La Habra High School) is the county’s most recruited running back. There’s Barbara Gibson, whose son Don (El Modena) is the most-sought after county lineman. There’s Marian Stark, who’s son Scott (Capistrano Valley) is a top quarterback prospect. Also, Al Beuerlein, who’s son Steve (Servite) was a top quarterback recruit four years ago and signed with Notre Dame.

Each of them received hundreds of letters and phone calls from coaches recruiting their sons. They’ve had coaches over for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They’ve been flattered, cajoled and humored--anything to make them like the recruiter and, therefore, his school.

It’s all very hectic, and it can burn up a family. But these folks say if you handle it correctly--that is, take charge--recruiting can actually be enjoyable.

We’ve already mentioned the three main wants of a football recruit’s parents--clean recruiting, good school, spared family. It’s easy enough to say. The problem is accomplishing it.

Here’s a breakdown of several important points to help avoid a breakdown:

Take charge: This seems to be the single-most important way to recruiting happiness. The parents interviewed said they enjoyed the process, but none have any grandiose ideas of what they’re getting into.

All realize that this is basically business, that this is the recruiter’s job, and their sons are his assignment.

“When you come down to it, it can be a pretty transparent act,” Beuerlein said. “They know they have to please the whole family and the friends and the girlfriend. They’re professionals and they know what works. These are proven techniques. You just have to realize what’s being used and accept it for that.”

The only way not to get caught up in it is to vigorously pursue a normal home life. Don’t let the recruiters run your life.

Weatherspoon terms it, “becoming the aggressor.”

“You can’t let them come in and just take over your home,” he said.

Weatherspoon has learned from experience. His porch was a temporary bunker for a Cal recruiter interested in his eldest son, Anthony, two years ago.

The story goes that Anthony, who has just completed his second season at Colorado, was still undecided about where he would go to school. Arizona and Cal were very much in the running. It happened that one day a couple of Arizona coaches were talking to Johnny and Anthony in the family’s La Habra home, when the phone rang. It was Cal Coach Joe Kapp.

“He wanted to know how Anthony was doing, and I told him he couldn’t talk right now because there were coaches from Arizona in our living room,” Weatherspoon said. “There was this long pause then he said he wanted to send a coach down.”

Within two hours, there was a Cal assistant sitting on the Weatherspoon porch yelling in the window that the Arizona coaches’ time was up.

“You can let them do their recruiting, that’s their job, but you have to let them know from the start it will be on your terms and to fit into your schedule,” Weatherspoon said.

Communicate with your child: If taking charge, becoming the aggressor, is the key to retaining a happy home life, then talking with your child--constantly--is the key to ensuring a clean recruitment and the right choice.

“The single-most important thing is the kid needs to know you support him all the way,” Weatherspoon said.

When Chuck visits a school, Johnny has him take notes and they discuss the school’s good and bad points. It avoids choosing a school because of a fun party, or a lot of nice handshakes.

“Every school seems like the greatest thing when a kid comes back,” he said. “The important thing as to have a set criteria of what’s important. When the kid gets back, you compare the notes against that criteria. That way you’re deciding on facts, not emotions.”

Said Gibson: “When Don comes back from a trip, the phone comes off the hook and we talk. That’s very important.”

Don’t be flattered: Repeat this to yourself. “They want my son, not me. They want my son, not me.”

It might be a big thrill to talk to Gerry Faust, as Beuerlein did, but he realizes:”They wouldn’t talk to you if they weren’t interested in having your son playing at their school.”

All recruiters know that in order to get the son they have to romance the parents.

“I wouldn’t even consider a school that

didn’t include the family in their recruiting program,” Scott Stark said. “I think it’s only proper. All the top schools do it. It’s just good manners.”

Those who allow themselves to get too close to the coaches can many times feel a sense of obligation toward the school. “The fact of the matter is that if they don’t get your son, they’ll get someone else,” Weatherspoon said. “You don’t owe them anything.”

Talk to the right people: This is pretty simple, but immeasurably important. Only discuss what the university will offer with people officially working for the university. No “friends of the program.”

What these parents have in common is that they’ve taken an active role in their sons’ recruiting.

That’s active, not suffocating.

“There’s a fine line between the two,” Weatherspoon said. “We have to let the kid know you support him, but you shouldn’t try to run his life. In the end, the decision is going to affect his life the most.”

What they also have in common is that they basically enjoy the recruiting experience.

“I’m having a wonderful time,” said Marian Stark, who had just returned from a trip with Scott to Notre Dame.

“It’s very hectic, and you have to be very careful, but I think it’s just great when someone calls on the phone and says they’d like to give my son a $70,000 scholarship. I don’t mind that at all.”

Name School Pos. Height Weight Dennis Arey Fountain Valley WR 5-11 175 Mike Angelovic Edison QB 6-0 175 Darran Baird Dana Hills OT 6-5 250 Pete Brantley Irvine TE 6-4 215 John Carlson Costa Mesa TE 6-3 235 Rick Costello Mission Viejo C 6-4 235 Allen Ennis El Modena G 6-1 220 Shane Foley Newport Harbor QB 6-2 195 Christian Galdabini Servite DE 6-4 225 Joe Garten Valencia OG 6-3 235 Greg Gerardi Irvine OT 6-7 245 Don Gibson El Modena OT 6-3 255 Randy Goens Edison OT 6-3 253 Ken Griggs Edison TE 6-4 217 Bob Hamelin Irvine NG 6-1 225 Randy Hatch Huntington Beach LB 6-1 220 Scott Moberly Huntington Beach OT 6-3 235 Ben Morgon Mission Viejo DT 6-4 240 Derek Noggle Servite RB 5-11 175 Ray Pallares Valencia RB 5-11 188 Tom Quinn Foothill LB 6-2 225 Ben Runnels Fullerton OT 6-7 250 Andy Ruscitto Valencia LB 6-3 220 J.T. Snow Los Alamitos DB 6-2 180 Scott Stark Capo Valley QB 6-2 180 Ted Valmassei Servite LB 6-0 215 Chuck Weatherspoon La Habra RB 5-8 190 Chris Westerman El Toro NG 6-3 245 Mark Williams Valencia OT 6-5 250 Todd Yert Mission Viejo RB 6-1 212 Eric Zeno La Quinta TE 6-4 200 Lance Zeno Fountain Valley OT 6-4 255

Name Choices Dennis Arey Hawaii, BYU,Utah, San Diego St. Mike Angelovic Weber St. Darran Baird Cal, Oregon, Arizona St. Pete Brantley Oregon John Carlson Arizona St., CS Long Beach Rick Costello Colorado, Harvard, Princeton Allen Ennis Army, Air Force, Pacific Shane Foley USC Christian Galdabini Washington St., CS Long Beach Joe Garten Oregon, Oregon St., Colo., Ariz., San Deigo St. Greg Gerardi Cal, Stanford, Nortre Dame, Wash., Colo. Don Gibson USC Randy Goens CS Long Beach, CS Fullerton Ken Griggs USC, Utah Bob Hamelin Notre Dame, Utah Randy Hatch CS Long Beach Scott Moberly Oregon, BYU, Colorado, Utah Ben Morgon Colorado St. Derek Noggle Air Force Ray Pallares CS Fullerton, CS Long Beach Tom Quinn Arizona Ben Runnels Cal. Andy Ruscitto USC, Colorado, Oregon J.T. Snow Florida St., Air Force, Weber St. Scott Stark Stanford Ted Valmassei Army Chuck Weatherspoon Houston, Arizona, Colorado Chris Westerman Cal Mark Williams Hawaii, San Diego St. Todd Yert Colorado St. Eric Zeno UCLA Lance Zeno UCLA

Verbal Commitment