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VALENTINE VICTUALS: HOLD THE HUMMINGBIRD HEARTS

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It’s hearts and flowers time again, and there’s hardly a restaurant in Los Angeles that is not planning to do something to celebrate the season.

For the really adventurous, Bouzy Rouge in Newport Beach embraces Valentine’s Day with a special “Aphrodisiac Dinner.” Are they really serving roast hummingbird hearts, pearls dissolved in vinegar, and herbed skink--which is a sort of lizard, as of course you know-- in vitro ? For those who prefer something more traditional, romantic Beaurivage is planning a special heart-shaped desert for lovers. For the extravagant, dinner and dancing at Le Bel Age includes oysters with caviar, orchids for the women and Champagne. The tariff is $135 per couple. (For an extra $155, you get to spend the night in a suite and have breakfast the next morning.) Something a bit more exotic? How about angel wings and orchids flown in from Hawaii at the Royal Thai in Newport Beach? Or lobster bisque, a whole boneless duck and a heart-shaped strawberry mousse cake at $45 per couple at Commodore Perry’s in the New Otani Hotel? Or try lighting a fire with a flaming brochette for two at Azteca in Venice? . . . On the other hand, the more practical among us may want to spend Valentine’s Day polishing up our prose for the ninth International Imitation Hemingway Competition, sponsored by Harry’s Bar. The deadline is next Saturday, the prize is a romantic dinner for two at Harry’s Bar in Florence, and the air fare is included.

TIDBITS: Every Thursday night is Catalan night at Barcelona in Santa Monica, featuring a five-course Catalan dinner plus all the house wine you can drink (surely they don’t mean all the house wine I can drink?) for $14.95, tax and tip not included. . . . Tomorrow night, 385 North celebrates its second anniversary with a gala dinner. Michael Feinstein will perform Gershwin classics for the occasion. Dinner is $45 per person; for information, call (213) 657-3850.

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EAST SIDE, WEST SIDE: Former Californian Jonathan Waxman (Chez Panisse, Michael’s), now chef and co-proprietor of two of Gotham’s hottest restaurants--Jams and Bud’s--has a third place in the works. The new restaurant, tentatively called Chez Hulot and located at 1007 Lexington Ave., will feature a freshened-up version of French provincial food. No opening date is set. . . . And Paris super-chef Alain Senderens, who produces his extravagant contemporary specialties at Lucas Carton on the Place de la Madelaine, is reliably rumored to have found a Manhattan location for a restaurant of his own.

SOME OF THIS AND SOME OF THAT: Somebody or other at the West Beach Cafe the other night was heard to crack, “Michael McCarty’s new place in Denver is called the Rattlesnake Club and Mark Miller’s place in Santa Fe is called the Coyote Cafe. What’s this? Varmint Cuisine?”

No varmints allowed, though, at Famous Fido’s Doggie Deli in Chicago, a new establishment that serves dishes like steak and kidney ragout, shepherd’s pie and liver mousse--to dogs and cats. The Deli has even catered at least one banquet--to graduates of a dog obedience school.

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