President’s Bath a Real Washout

Thomas Jefferson’s bath will just have to wait--all because the District of Columbia’s Fire Department, summoned to give the Jefferson Memorial a good scrubbing, caused a massive traffic jam. But if Old Tom doesn’t mind, the rub-a-dub-dubbing will take place during a less-busy traffic period next week. Earle Kittleman, spokesman for the National Park Service, said: “We’re not talking Spic and Span and other detergents here, but like in the Navy, we’re doing a freshwater scrub-down, fore and aft.” The object is to give the monument a good going-over with non-abrasive ionic soap, then a thorough washing. However, the firemen did manage to comb out the spider webs and spray the hornets nests and pigeon droppings from the domed marble shelter that houses the 43-year-old statue, said Arnold Goldstein, assistant superintendent in charge of downtown monuments. “We have to keep them beautiful,” Goldstein said. “People come here expecting to see pristine, white, gleaming memorials. That’s what we plan to give them.”

--Life may or may not become a little easier for Jerry and Jenifer Joyce of Sea Girt, N.J., since their quintuplets, Christopher, Lauren, Megan, Kevin and Ryan, come out of the “terrible twos” today. But the quints’ third birthday is also a turning point for the Joyces, who say that the fun--and challenge--of nurturing their lively crew to adulthood has just begun. Instead of crying in their cribs, the quints now spend their summer days at camp or ricocheting around their home in a blur of activity and high-decibel antics. “When they were younger and in the incubator, you worried about little things,” like illnesses or diaper rash, said Jerry, 34, a high school economics teacher. “When they get older, you worry about the bigger things.” The babies were born eight weeks prematurely. One of them, Christopher, weighed 1 pound, 12 ounces. Jenifer, 30, who in her “spare” time attends college, had taken a fertility drug, Pergonal, after she was told it was her only chance to have children.

--Have you heard the one about the woman who visited a dollar-a-visit dentist and wound up with buck teeth? Or, about the dermatologist who built his practice from scratch? If you haven’t, you probably weren’t at the first Chicago-area dinner of the International Save the Pun Foundation this week. Chicago attorney Harvey C. Gordon, author of “PUNishment--the Art of Punning, or How to Lose Friends and Antagonize People,” served as guest speaker. He’s also written “Grime and PUNishment,” an off-color tome. “It’s only sold 75,000 copies so far,” Gordon said, “but it’s grossed millions.” Among the guests who didn’t show were Ann S. Thesia, Darry Lict and Connie Sewer.