OH, THEM APPLES!

Ballots for this year’s Sour Apple and Golden Apple winners are due back tomorrow from the 150 members of the Hollywood Women’s Press Club, with nominees to be announced soon. But a little worm gave us the advance scoop.

Up for Sour Apples (given to the “Personality Who Most Believed His or Her Own Publicity” during the year) are Joan Rivers (who won in ‘83) and Sean Penn. Madonna was to be Sean’s co-nominee, according to Press Club sources, but because of alleged problems in their relationship, it was decided it would be in “bad taste” to link them. She was dropped.

The club’s all-powerful board of directors also made other changes in the original ballot handed in by a nominating committee:

Whoopi Goldberg was replaced by Sharon Gless for a possible Golden Apple as Female Star of the Year, allegedly because Whoopi is unreliable about showing up for events--and sometimes speaks a profanity, or two, or six. Other nominees: Carol Burnett, Cybill Shepherd, Kathleen Turner, Sigourney Weaver and the four stars of “Golden Girls.”

Michael J. Fox got dumped for Patrick Duffy as a Male Star nominee, allegedly because Duffy’s “hot copy” and “more newsworthy” this year. But sources say some members were unhappy with Fox, a no-show to pick up his Male Discovery of the Year trophy last year (is Fox heading for a Sour Apple?). Other nominees: Tom Cruise, William Hurt, Paul Newman and Bruce Willis.

Male Discovery: Ron Reagan Jr. got bumped by Wilford Brimley, Howie Mandel got replaced by Chris Lemmon and Dennis Farina (“Crime Story”) got dropped for Mark Harmon. Other nominees: Corbin Bernsen (“L.A. Law”) and Paul Hogan.

Female Discovery nominees went through unchanged: Justine Bateman, Laura Dern, Marlee Matlin, Pia Zadora and Oprah Winfrey.

Grant Tinker gets the Louella Parsons Humanitarian Award. Winners will be announced at the organization’s annual party Dec. 14 at the Bev Wilshire.

About all the changes, club veep Joan Crosby explained, “Nobody in this club ever agrees on anything!”