Soap made with Sydney Sweeney’s used bathwater exists and now we feel so dirty
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OK, which focus group asked for soap made from Sydney Sweeney’s dirty bathwater? Because y’all are in trouble.
In announcing the limited-edition Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss product Thursday, boutique soap company Dr. Squatch said on social media that it exists because “y’all wouldn’t stop asking” for Soap á la Sweeney after the actor did a viral ad for the company last October. “And Sydney said, ‘Let’s do it.’”
After working together on the erotic drama “The Voyeurs,” Sydney Sweeney and director Michael Mohan create a religious thriller premiering at SXSW.
So whoever “y’all” is should have to stay up late writing apologies to the rest of us. In cursive.
The soap is said to smell like Sweeney’s childhood homeland, the Pacific Northwest, so anyone who has a warm and innocent association with that area’s pine, Douglas fir and earthy moss essence is likely to have that completely ruined. Of course, if you associate those scents with the parfum de décolleté et de parties féminines — that’s some kind of French for the “scent of cleavage and lady parts” — this soap should make perfect sense.
“Nice humiliation ritual you’ve got going here,” X user @AzBeto1997 tweeted Friday about the soap, which the company swears includes bathwater that has actually touched Sweeney’s naked body. “Way to demean and diminish your customer base. If it were a joke it’d be funny.”
“Weird and gross. I’ve enjoyed the pine tar soap for several years now, but this is goodbye. Enjoy your bath water fetishist customers,” user @MarvinOMars wrote.
Nick Cannon, who has fathered 12 children, has $10-million testicles after a men’s soap company insures his family jewels. The punch lines write themselves.
“I guarantee you most straight men find the Sydney Sweeney soap thing pretty gross,” @UnderstanderArt said. “She’s not appealing to all straight men with it, but a very particular group that I want nothing to do with.”
Over on Instagram, comments about the limited run of 5,000 bars of soap, on sale next week, seemed more charitable. One poster said the Dr. Squatch marketing department and Sweeney “need an award for this. Hilarious and awesome.”
“We’re not going to heaven, but this is close enough,” another wrote.
“Never will I be in a greater state of absolute bliss than whilst I use this holy concoction, in the form of a bar of soap, to rub across my body,” wrote a third.
The Oscar nominee is going to surprise, shock and delight viewers who thought they knew him with his multi-faceted turn in the Emerald Fennell film.
Some comments invoked the infamous bathtub scene from “Saltburn.” Many alluded to masturbation. A lot of them were seriously hilarious. All of them suggested in their own quiet ways that the fall of Western civilization was imminent.
“This bar is bizarre, unexpected, and intended to get guys to think more deeply about the ingredients in the products they are putting on their bodies,” said John Ludeke, the Dr. Squatch executive who heads the company’s global marketing department.
So buy the soap, don’t buy the soap, we really don’t care. Remember, this is the same company that insured Nick Cannon’s testicles for $10 million.
Irish Spring, here we come.
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