Tips for the Holidays

Psychologists and therapists who specialize in working with stepfamilies suggest these pointers for the holidays:

- Talk over your feelings about holiday plans with your current partner, children and stepchildren; discuss ways to make the holidays more fun; prioritize activities.

- When talking with your ex-spouse try to focus, as peaceably as possible, on arranging child visitation schedules everyone can live with.

- Create some new holiday traditions for the stepfamily. Plan to do something unusual everyone can enjoy--like going roller-skating near the beach and stopping for hot chocolate afterward.

- Don’t take on more holiday festivities than you want. This is also the wrong time of year to give extra attention to a friend or relative who disapproves of your remarriage.

- Be flexible. You probably won’t be able to arrange the holidays perfectly. If you’re willing to change your plans as needed, you’ll have more fun.

- Some of the children may get more presents, from relatives not shared with step-siblings. If this causes the other children to feel hurt, let the gift givers know that equal treatment for all the children is appreciated.

- If you really can’t get along with a stepchild or an ex-spouse, call a holiday-long truce. You may not be able to work out all your problems now, but perhaps you can plan a cease-fire until the New Year.