D.C. Is Awash in Its ‘Skins : In Football-Crazy Capital, Wild-Card Game With Rams Is Taking Over the Agenda

Listen! Our song of the day is “Hail To The Redskins!” When you hear it, be the 21st caller and you win two free tickets to see the ‘Skins kick the you-know-what out of the Rams this Sunday at RFK. Right on! And, right now, we’re gonna play the latest from “Run - D.M.C.” It’s called “You Be Illin.” Ha! Ha! The Rams gonna be illin’ this Sunday! All right! You ‘ re listening to 107.3 FM . . . Q107! . . . Washington’s No. 1 radio station!

Ha! Ha! The city of Washington thinks it has the Rams right where it wants them--in RFK Stadium. RFK stands for Robert F. Kennedy, but it’s more like Riled Football Kooks. There’s a waiting list for season tickets, and the list has more than 16,000 names on it. Every year, about 100 new season tickets become available, so if you sign up today, you can get your Redskin season tickets by the year 2147. All right!

This town is supposed to be a serious place. You’ve got Reagan living here and a bunch of Congressmen, too. They run this country.

But the Redskins run this town.

People here love to watch Dexter Manley speak, much more than Larry Speakes. Dexter was talking to television cameras here on Christmas Eve, and he said: “This playoff game against the Rams could be our last game of the year. We need every fan out there to root for the Washington Redskins! Ya’ll hear me? Merry Christmas to you.”

And “Bah, Humbug” to the Rams. The poor Rams have to come here Sunday and do what few Ram teams have done before--win. Only one Ram team has ever won at RFK, and that was George Allen’s 1969 team. Oh yeah, the Rams also beat the Redskins here in 1948, but RFK Stadium was only a twinkle in owner George Preston Marshall’s eye then.

Ram it, the Rams could be in some serious trouble this weekend. History isn’t on their side. Remember 1977? The Rams were down, 17-14, at RFK with time running out, when Rafael Septien missed a long field goal. But the Redskins were offside, so Septien had another shot five yards closer. Missed again. Rams lost.

Remember New Year’s Day, 1984? Rams got torched, 51-7, in a first-round playoff game. Owner Georgia Frontiere had given her players Cabbage Patch Dolls for Christmas that day, so all the players had to come walking out of the locker room carrying those dolls. Their heads had just been handed to them and then the dolls. Pathetic.

Of course, this is a new year and a new game and a new chance. The Rams can win, but only if they read, understand and apply the following lessons about Washington Redskin football.

Ready, begin . . .

Prepare for an Earthquake

Coming from California, this should be easy for the Rams. See, RFK Stadium shakes. The people who come to the games jump up and down at key moments, and you can really feel the earth move under your feet.

“It’s true,” said Ken Jenkins, a Redskin kick returner.

George Allen--who coached both the Redskins and Rams--also confirms this. He says Ram fans used to try to shake the L.A. Coliseum, but since the stands were solidified with concrete, it wouldn’t work. At RFK, there are some portable stands that really shake, and you wonder how safe they are.

Ignore the Noise

This may not be possible. Redskin fans go through so much to get their tickets that they feel compelled to yell at all times. Tickets are very scarce, you see. Back in the 1960s, big companies owned most of the tickets at RFK, and, in fact, some companies had as many as 300 tickets for every game.

But this wasn’t fair to anyone who wasn’t a company man. So in the late ‘60s, the late George Christophel, then the Redskin ticket manager, began a campaign to break up the block holders. He took away many of their tickets and began that famed waiting list. The year was 1969, and Vince Lombardi had just become the Redskin coach. Thousands of people signed up.

And they’re just getting their tickets now, 18 years later.

Many people include their Redskin tickets in their will. In other words, if Mr. Smith dies, he may want to have his eight tickets bequeathed to Mrs. Smith. That’s all fine and dandy, but the Redskin ticket office has the final say on that.

“Well, a ticket can be left in somebody’s will to an immediate family member--like a wife--but that’s only if the ticket owner has had a good history,” said Tami Plumer of the Redskin ticket office. “What do I mean by good history? Well, he better not have been caught scalping a ticket. . . . And we’ll want to see the death certificate. We have to see the death certificate. And the will, too. We want to see it all. If someone leaves it to their sons or daughters, that’s generally acceptable, but cousins? No, we won’t go that far.”

Christophel used to read the obits in the Washington Post every day. He knew every ticket-holder’s name--all 55,000 of them--and if somebody died, he’d pull their file immediately. And if a man had forgotten to include his Redskin tickets in his will, his family was in trouble. The tickets were gone, lost to the next person on the waiting list.

So, a lot of families never notify the Redskins of a death, fearing their tickets will be lost forever.

But they can’t get away with it. The Redskins pay close attention to those obits. They know who’s dying and who’s not.

The Redskins also employ undercover cops to monitor the scalping. Tickets commonly go for $200 outside the stadium, but, if a ticket-holder is caught, his season tickets might be revoked.

“How much you sellin’ that ticket for?” an undercover cop will say, dressed perhaps in a Redskin jersey.

“Oh, 150 bucks.”

“Gotcha,” the cop will say.

One time, a man called the Redskin ticket office, saying he needed some tickets to donate to charity. The Redskins came through with the tickets, but the man ended up keeping the tickets for himself. The Redskins caught him, though, because the charity called the ticket office, saying: “Where are our tickets?!”

It was worse back in the early 1970s. That was when George Allen had just turned the team around, and every NFL game was blacked out locally. Thieves would break into homes to specifically steal tickets, because you either saw a game live or you never saw it. Many Congressmen got really upset about this blackout rule. They couldn’t get tickets, so they couldn’t watch the Redskins. Voila , they created a new law, which said a game can be shown on TV locally if it’s sold out 72 hours in advance.

About Those Congressmen . . .

Listen, if these politicians had their way, they’d run everything around here. Back in 1975, the Redskins lost a game in St. Louis when Mel Gray caught a fourth-down touchdown pass to send the game into overtime. Actually, Gray appeared to drop the ball, and if today’s replay rule applied back then, the Redskins might have won. Anyway, members of Congress actually tried getting the final score of that 1975 game reversed in the Redskins’ favor. It didn’t work, but it was a nice try.

Ignore the Band

They play one tune over and over. It’s called “Hail To The Redskins,” and it goes like this: Hail to the Redskins! Hail Victory! Braves on the Warpath, fight for old D.C.! Run or pass or score, we want a lot more! Beat ‘em, Swamp ‘em, Touchdown -- let the points soar! Fight on, fight on -- till you have won, Sons of Washington! Rah, Rah, Rah . . .

Don’t Watch TV

If the Rams came in here and watched every pregame Redskin special on television, they’d be too pooped to play. Some of the shows on TV are as follows: “The World According to Riggo,” a weekly visit with former Redskin running back John Riggins; “Redskin Sidelines,” a show hosted by former Redskin quarterback Sonny Jurgensen; “The Joe Gibbs Show,” a visit with the coach; “Redskins Magazine,” a series of interesting vignettes about the players; “Redskin Saturday Night,” a show copying Saturday Night Live except it’s not live.

However, the TV sportscasters aren’t bad. One is named Glen Brenner, who has devoted his life to comedy. One of his better lines was “There’s about as much a chance of Washington getting a baseball team as there is of having a tall/big man shop in Tokyo. No chance!” Brenner also hands out a weekly “Weenie of the Week” Award to the athlete who acts the most stupid that particular week.

But Brenner is also a fan. He was supposed to tape an interview this week with Redskin quarterback Jay Schroeder, but Brenner had the flu and was afraid he’d give it to Schroeder. So he didn’t show up.

Watch for Referees

When the San Francisco 49ers were in town this year, they were penalized 14 times for more than 100 yards. San Francisco Coach Bill Walsh explained this by saying the RFK crowd intimidated the referees into throwing that many flags.

Dress Warm

December in Washington is chilly, to say the least. But it’s not Chicago. Don’t expect snow. There have been only two snow games here since 1971. In 1973, the Redskins clinched a playoff spot by beating the Philadelphia Eagles in a foot of snow. And in 1982, their Super Bowl year, Mark Moseley kicked a field goal against the New York Giants in the snow that also clinched a playoff berth.

Still, this Sunday’s game starts late--at 4 p.m. Eastern time. It’ll be dark and nippy by the second quarter.

Be Glad That . . .

“With (Pat) Summerall and (John) Madden, we have a bad record,” Dexter Manley said. “We’ve won more games with Terry Bradshaw and Tim Ryan announcing.”

Don’t Worry About Crime

According to one Washington police officer, there’s a 50% reduction in crime when the Redskins are playing.

“During those three hours, this town is isolated,” Officer Wendell A. Samuels said.

Officer Terry Board, who works in the crime examination section, said: “There are not many people getting murdered during football games, unless somebody’s just lost a lot of money. My department, we handle the most serious homicides, and we generally don’t have a major type of crime during football games.”

Ignore Banners in Stands

The best one all year was at this year’s Giants game. Referring to running back Joe Morris, it said: “Time for Din Din, Morris.” The best of all time might have been after that St. Louis debacle in 1975. At the next Redskin home game, effigies of six officials hung from the stands, and there was an accompanying sign that read: “The Six Cardinal Sins.”

Score First

Nothing silences an RFK crowd more than a touchdown by the opposition. In this year’s Giant game, for instance, Mark Bavaro scored an early touchdown, and RFK sulked as one and never recovered.

Listen, Redskin fans can be stopped.

“If we’re not in the ballgame, they (the fans) get discouraged, too,” said Manley, an All-Pro defensive end who also happens to be a pretty good cheerleader. “Man, in that New York Giants game, it was real quiet, and that’s because they were depressed about the way we were playing.”

The Redskins have blown many a home game. There was 1971, when they met the Dallas Cowboys for the division title. They lost, 13-0. There was 1976, when they met the Cowboys for the division title. They lost, 20-7. There was 1982, when they met the Cowboys for the division title. They lost, 24-10. There was 1984, when they met the Chicago Bears in the playoffs. They lost, 23-19. There was 1985, when they met the 49ers for a wild-card berth. They lost, 35-8.

But in each of those games, the Redskins fell behind early.

It took the crowd out of the game.

Remember that, Rams.

In closing, it might be best to consult George Allen, who never lost to the Redskins at RFK when he was the Rams’ coach and who never lost to the Rams at RFK when he was the Redskins’ coach.

RFK is the House That George Built. He had the Redskin locker room renovated. He had 500 extra end zone seats constructed. He donated hundreds of tickets to Washington area Boys’ Clubs every week. He had mats put down in the tunnel from the locker room to the field so his players couldn’t possibly slip and hurt themselves. He had padding put up behind the end zones, so players wouldn’t hurt themselves after making a running catch.

Allen consulted an agronomist, so he could install the best grass possible for the stadium. He refused to listen to people who wanted to replace the grass with artificial turf. Every year, he had a study done on how extra seats could be added to the stadium.

“I was 43-10-1 at RFK as a visiting coach and as Redskin coach,” he said the other day. “I keep track because that was my favorite stadium.”

Then, what will it take, George, for the Rams to go in there and win on Sunday?

“No. 1, they must have a simple game plan--both offensively and defensively,” Allen said. “Two, you don’t let anything distract you. Not the crowd, the signs, the noises or anything. And, three, treat it as a business trip. Don’t worry about where you’ll sleep or what you’ll eat or what you’re going to do after the game. It’s a business trip.”

Well, Rams, it’s in your hands now. Either you take all this advice or you be illin’.