BOB & BRUCE & BON

After reading Robert Hilburn’s reviews of the new records by Bruce Willis and Don Johnson (“Moonlighting as a Pop Star,” Jan. 17), I couldn’t help but place my own frantic call to the Blue Moon Detective Agency:

“Maddie? Thanks for talking to me--Yeah, I know the show is behind schedule in production but this is important .

“You know that guy who called you about David’s new album? Right . . . well, you see, I think he’s got some sort of delusion about being a music critic!

“He said that on David’s (or Bruce, or whatever it is he’s calling himself) record ‘there’s no vocal character,’ and this opinion is based not on an entire album but one song! And he called Don Johnson’s album ‘a creditable work that aimed at personal statement.’

“Anyone who would use a phrase like that has got to be delusional.

“Maddie, there is more vocal character in one of David’s Seagram’s Wine Cooler commercials than in Johnson’s entire ‘music video feature.’ I saw it and it’s basically a Don Johnson groupie’s fantasy episode of ‘Miami Vice’--all music, no dialogue and no Philip Michael Thomas.

“Maddie, I think this guy is a victim of Hilburn-itis, which is the belief that the only Bruces who can sing are named Springsteen.”

MELISSA HENRY

Huntington Beach