The Three Envelopes, Please

Utah Jazz Coach Frank Layden, recalling his days as coach at Niagara University, told this story:

“When I took over, my predecessor told me he had left three envelopes in the top right desk, and if things got tough I should open them, one at a time.

“The first year we went 2-25, and I opened the first envelope. It said, ‘Blame me.’ So I told everyone that the previous coach had let the program deteriorate and hadn’t done a good job of recruiting.

“The next year wasn’t much better, so I opened the second envelope. It said, ‘Blame the alumni.’ So I told everyone that the alumni weren’t helping enough in recruiting and weren’t raising enough money to upgrade the program.

“The third year, it didn’t go much better, so I opened the third envelope. It said, ‘Prepare three envelopes.’ ”

Lawrence Taylor, while receiving the NFL award as defensive player of the year in New York, was asked what he thought of the parade taking place in the city.

“What parade?” he said, feigning ignorance.

“For Dennis Conner and the Stars & Stripes,” he was told.

“Oh, the boat people,” he said.

Trivia Time: If the manager of the Cincinnati Reds retires as a player, who will be the answer to this trivia question: “Who was the last pitcher to face Pete Rose?” (Answer below.)

Some are saying that Notre Dame did the best job of recruiting, and UCLA is getting some mention, but listen to these coaches:

Jackie Sherrill, Texas A&M;: “These are the type of players that will make a 10-2 team into an 11-0 team.”

Jimmy Johnson, Miami: “It’s the best class we’ve ever recruited.”

Mike Gottfried, Pittsburgh: “Perhaps the best football recruiting season in school history.”

Barry Switzer, Oklahoma: “The best we’ve had since 1975.”

That year, the Oklahoma recruits included Billy Sims, a Heisman Trophy winner, and Greg Roberts, an Outland Trophy winner.

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: Steve Alford of Indiana, the NCAA leader in career free throw percentage, last summer shot 100 free throws a day and never missed more than three.

Says Sharon Alford, his mother: “Steve never played cowboys and Indians or army, like the other kids. It was real hard to figure out what to get him for Christmas. All he ever wanted was balls.”

Now-it-can-be-told Dept.: Former Cal State Fullerton star Leon Wood of the New Jersey Nets, recalling the Olympic Games, told Newsday that more than once he felt the wrath of Coach Bobby Knight, including a time he got thrown out of practice for no apparent reason.

“I didn’t do anything but Knight just went off,” Wood said. “He kicked me out, and it was about 100 degrees outside. My mother walked up and said, ‘You got kicked out, didn’t you?’ I said, ‘But, momma, I didn’t do anything.’

Then what?

“Then we just went to 7-Eleven and bought a Slurpee,” he said.

Add Wood: While he was struggling as a rookie with the Philadelphia 76ers, he said he received a letter of encouragement that had “Indiana University” in the upper left-hand corner.

“I thought it was a letter from Steve Alford,” Wood said. “But it was from Coach Knight. I was totally shocked.”

Trivia Answer: Goose Gossage of San Diego. He struck out Rose on three straight pitches.

Quotebook

Former DePaul basketball coach Ray Meyer, on successor Joey Meyer, whose Blue Demons are rated No. 5: “Joey Meyer used to be Ray Meyer’s son. Now Ray Meyer is Joey Meyer’s father--and very proud to be.”