HOW TIMELY CAN YOU GET:...

HOW TIMELY CAN YOU GET: Ray Stevens, who’s had hits in the past with such novelty funnies as “The Streak,” “Gitarzan” and “Ahab the Arab,” will be back this week (on MCA Records) with a new single titled “Would Jesus Wear a Rolex on His Television Show?” According to MCA staffers, Stevens had written the tune before the current TV evangelist sex scandal (or, as some wags have dubbed it, Heaven’s Gate II).

Some of the lyrics--most notably a line that goes, “Would Jesus have a second home in Palm Springs, but try to hide its worth”--sound positively prescient. Others, such as “Would Jesus admit he’s talked to all those preachers, (who) say they’ve been a-talkin’ to him?,” are just perfectly apt. Here’s the chorus (the “he” refers to Jesus):

Would he wear a pinky ring, would he drive a fancy car,

Would his wife wear furs and diamonds, would his dressing room have a star,

If he came back tomorrow, there’s something I’d like to know,

Would Jesus wear a Rolex on his television show?