SLY & GARY

Regarding Outtakes’ item on Sylvester Stallone and Gary Franklin (by Pat H. Broeske, April 19), I’ve never cared much for Sylvester Stallone movies.

However, I do have an idea for his next project, which I know would be very successful.

Stallone attends an important industry event. While he is there, he spots this arrogant, pompous little film critic from a local Los Angeles television station. He recognizes the critic’s bald head in the crowd, and sees the light shining through it from the other side of the room--obviously there is nothing to stop it.

Stallone grabs him by the arm, and suggests that maybe he should start acting like a real critic and review movies on their own merit instead of with a personal vendetta for the people who make them.

But the bald, arrogant, pompous little film critic, who is more concerned with his own celebrity status in town than his audience, says no to Stallone. He informs him that the adolescent and insulting little rating scale he’s been using as a substitute for literate and analytical criticism has been working just fine.

After all, he tells Stallone, “I can’t risk my audience learning something from one of my reviews, can I?”

Stallone then exposes the bald, arrogant, pompous little film critic for the no-talent he really is, and then proceeds to beat the living daylights out of him.

For that film, I’d be first in line.

JEFF GELBERG

Santa Monica