Out of the Shadows : Aliens Applying for Amnesty Torn by Hope, Fear

For the last 24 years, Yolanda De Leon has a lived a life so secret that even her four daughters did not suspect the truth.

De Leon, 36, attended American schools, raised a family here and put down deep roots that have come from spending all of her adult life in this country.

But nothing has erased the fact that she came to this country illegally and has lived in the shadows of immigration laws ever since.

But Tuesday, on the first day of the immigration legalization program, De Leon brought her secret out into the open and, with it, a flood of mixed emotions about amnesty.

Cost of Failure

As the sun came up, she nervously waited in line at the new Immigration and Naturalization Service legalization center in El Monte, weighing her chances of success against the enormous cost of failure.

“I’m worried,” she said, echoing the concerns of many that something might go awry and she might have to go back to her native country. “My life is here. I don’t even know Mexico that well.’

For De Leon and thousands of others, the prospect of amnesty is a bittersweet affair that has rippled through their lives, sparking feelings of joy, but also fear and sadness.

“I never thought this would happen,” she said. “I have friends who will have to go back.”

Marta Hernandez, who also went to the El Monte center, said she would have preferred that there be no amnesty program.

“Amnesty causes too many problems, not for me, but for others,” she said.

Welcome Relief

But for most who went to the two San Gabriel Valley legalization centers in El Monte and Pomona, the prospect of amnesty comes as a welcome relief.

Armando Herrera, who left his native Durango on a tourist visa 14 years ago, said life here has been sweet, but amnesty gives him the chance to shed the anxieties and frustrations that have dogged him for years.

He said he came to the United States with nothing and today has a family, a home in Rosemead and a job as a shingle cutter.

But because he came into this country illegally and does not have the proper documents to freely cross the border, he also has never gone home.

“We have been waiting for so long,” he said. “They have no right to separate families like this.”

Five-Year Requirement

Under the new law, only illegal immigrants who have lived in the United States since Jan. 1, 1982, are eligible for legalization.

Margarita Morales, 43, said she knows that she does not stand a chance of getting legal status and may soon have to leave.

Morales, who was at an El Monte church Tuesday, came into this country in 1984 after paying an acquaintance $2,000 to bring her and her eight children across the border.

She has been working as a waitress, but fears that she will have to return to her native state of Michoacan, where jobs are scarce and the pay is low.

‘There Is No Hope’

“I came with all these ideas, borrowing all this money with dreams of going back with legal status. But these dreams have come to an end,” she said. “The fact is, there is no hope.”

Another man at the church, which provides food and clothing to low-income residents, said the amnesty program will have a serious impact on the many Central Americans who have come to this country recently because of alleged political persecution.

The man, who asked not to be identified, said he and his family were forced to leave Guatemala in 1984 after being accused of informing against a right-wing politician.

He said he plans to apply for political asylum in the United States, and, if that fails, he will try in Canada.

Even for those who are almost assured of qualifying for legal status, it is an unnerving experience to come out of the shadows and face officials they have been hiding from for years.

Lingering Suspicion

The INS has stressed that it will not use information provided in an application for any purpose other than considering legalizing the applicant’s stay in this country.

But despite the guarantees, there is a lingering suspicion that the law could change or that an application could be turned down for a myriad of unexpected reasons.

One unidentified man who came to the United States from China in 1980 said that although he is elated by the prospect of amnesty, “of course I am worried. The INS is still the most feared agency.”