Oh, If Only Confidence Were Enough to Assure Laker Playoff Victory

Oh, those miserable Boston Celtics don’t have a chance against us.

Oh, we’re going to sweep them in four straight.

Oh, man, get the broom.

Oh, we don’t care if they are going back to Boston Garden, no way they can beat our Lakers.

Oh, our team is so, so good.

Oh, their team is so, so hurt.

Oh, they just don’t have the depth that we have.

Oh, our benchwarmers could start for them.

Oh, are we ever going to shut up those Boston fans.

Oh, we are going to make them cry in their beans.

Oh, just wait until they get a load of our fast break.

Oh, that James Worthy is absolutely unstoppable.

Oh, even if we fall behind, no lead is safe against us.

Oh, the only way somebody beat us in a playoff game is because Sleepy Floyd scored 29 in a single period.

Oh, do we have the Celtics rattled.

Oh, were they ever depressed when they left Los Angeles.

Oh, why don’t they just concede this thing right now, so we can all get on with our business?

Oh, if Milwaukee and Detroit played that well against them at Boston, are we ever going to murder them.

Oh, don’t be late, because you’ll probably only have to watch the first two minutes.

Oh, is that Greg Kite a stiff.

Oh, imagine him trying to guard Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Oh, he couldn’t guard a cardboard cutout of Kareem.

Oh, Larry Bird will have to score 60 points for Boston to beat us.

Oh, what a shame the series won’t be coming back to the Forum.

Oh, too bad we won’t get to see the Lakers at home again this season.

Oh, let’s not bother with Games 3 and 4, and let’s just get on with the parade.

Oh, that Johnny Most is going to eat crow, which will probably improve his voice.

Oh, the home court won’t make that much difference.

Oh, these Lakers can win anywhere.

Oh, “Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!”

Oh, get that broom.

Oh, this might be the greatest basketball team of all time.

Oh, this team is better than the one with Wilt, Jerry and Elgin.

Oh, the Celtics can’t match up against us, even when they’re healthy.

Oh, Kevin McHale shouldn’t even be playing.

Oh, the Celtics couldn’t beat us even if they used Amazing Grace and Chuck.

Oh, the Celtics only got this far because they are so lucky.

Oh, once we get David Robinson, we’ll probably win the NBA championship five or six times in a row.

Oh, the only way the Celtics could beat us is on a last-second shot.

Oh, maybe they could beat us if Robert Parish punched out Kareem and if the referee happened to be looking someplace else.

Oh, heck, if that happened, we’d just put Mychal Thompson in the middle and beat them anyway.

Oh, if Parish was white, he’d be just another good guy.*

Oh, poor CBS, getting stuck with four straight blowouts.

Oh, “Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!”

Oh, make it a whisk broom, a regular broom, a Dust Buster, a carpet sweeper, a vacuum cleaner, a Zamboni--anything that sweeps.

Oh, they don’t even belong on the same floor with us.

Oh, and that ugly floor of theirs won’t help them.

Oh, they couldn’t beat us if we had a man in the penalty box.

Oh, we could beat them with a starting lineup of Johnson, Scott, Worthy, Abdul-Jabbar and Bet Twice.

Oh, Dennis Rodman of the Detroit Pistons was right, this series won’t go five.

Oh, Keith Olberman of Channel 5 was right, this series won’t go four.

Oh, they will never beat L.A., beat L.A., beat L.A.

Oh, the only good reason to bring the series back to the Forum is to get another look at Dyan Cannon.

Oh, the Houston Rockets could beat them this year.

Oh, this is the Laker year.

Oh, it’s true that champions never repeat.

Oh, why were Jerry West and Pat Riley so worried about us rubbing the first two games in the Celtics’ faces?

Oh, West and Riley must have just been afraid to say the obvious, that the Lakers will win this thing in four straight.

Oh, don’t they know that we know more than they know?

Oh, don’t they know that at the very, very most, the Celtics might win once at home?

Oh, don’t they know that when we say the series is over, the series is over?

Oh, “Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!”

Oh, broom me, baby.

Oh, we are not obnoxious, we are just good, loyal fans.

Oh, yeah?

The Celtics will beat us easily in Game 3?

Oh, you are out of your mind, man.

You probably think they have a chance in Game 4, too.

* Joke.