Comparative Shopping That’s Plane to See : SHOPPING: Plane Comparisons

It is 3 a.m., I think. It must be 3 a.m. somewhere. Perhaps here, on this 747 ripping through the air 42,000 feet above a nice, dry continent where I could be walking in a park, hearing the peeping of baby birds, smelling the flowers, it is 3 a.m. I’m disoriented.

I’ve been encased in this metal tube for days, it seems, a civilian astronaut circling the earth again, and again and. . . .

Ah, travel: the romance and adventure, the endless parties and excitement--gin and tonics, grinning at sunsets, a hand-holding walk on a beach as soft and sugary as cotton candy. Why, then, am I so miserable? Why am I whimpering into my blanket as this flying machine rushes between Asia and America? Why am I so tired?

Perhaps it is because I have been doing nothing but flying for the past few days, covering 33,457 miles in 45 hours and 7 minutes; nearly two days out of a life.

Two days of airline meals and movies, a lifetime of safety instructions and dirty toilets. Two days of flying to compare the first-class service of four airlines--two foreign, two American--to see how good old Yankee industriousness compares with that of foreign competition.

If we are being so badly battered in trade wars with other countries, how are we doing in the air wars?

I purposely set out to compare the service, food, ambiance and such of two of America’s largest international carriers, United and American, with two formidable foreign competitors--Singapore Airlines and KLM Royal Dutch.

Just Another Passenger

I flew to Hong Kong from San Francisco on United, then back to Los Angeles from Singapore on Singapore Airlines. Next, I tried American from Dallas to London, and KLM from Amsterdam to Chicago.

No one knew who I was or what I was doing. I was just like any other first-class passenger, paying thousands of dollars for a larger seat, free booze and better meals.

I chose to fly first-class for comfort, but also because first-class is where international airlines should do their best job, use their most efficient crews, provide the ultimate in flying comfort for their passengers. If they can’t perform in first-class, God help the folks flying coach.

I compared the airlines in several areas: airline lounges, decor of airplanes, the look and attitude of flight attendants, the quality of meals and wines, the special amenities provided for passengers, on-board entertainment (movies and music selections) and a catch-all miscellaneous category in which I looked at those things that could not be placed tidily into the other categories.

I took notes, talked with other passengers and observed. I didn’t sleep much, perhaps three hours out of 45, but I did get a fascinating look into first-class service as it is offered by our airlines and theirs. Theirs, more often than not, is better.

On the four flights, three of the airlines (United, Singapore and KLM) used 747s. American used a DC-10 for its London flight. The 747 is undoubtedly a more comfortable, roomier aircraft, much more of a pleasure to fly than the somewhat cramped DC-10.

The United flight had 47 first-class seats, 41 of which were filled. Three bathrooms served all those people. Singapore had 34 first-class seats, 21 filled, two bathrooms. American had 28 first-class seats, all of which were occupied, two bathrooms. KLM had 18 first-class seats on its flight with seven passengers, two bathrooms.

Different Staffing

The staffing on all airlines was different. KLM and Singapore each provided one flight attendant for each 3.5 passengers; United had a flight attendant for each 5.8 passengers; America’s ratio was one per 6.5 passengers.

Here is my look at each airline, by category:

Airport first-class lounges: This is where the trip really begins for passengers; the first-class lounge should set the tone for the journey. United Airlines uses the Qantas Lounge at San Francisco’s airport. It is a cozy, restful lounge where gracious attendants ask if they can mix you a drink or get you some peanuts. All the other lounges were self-service.

Singapore’s departure lounge at Changi Airport is immense, with three bars offering free premium booze, five kinds of tea, hot chocolate and coffee. It is a very quiet, very elegant lounge with Oriental lamps, orchids blooming from vases and a good selection of international magazines and newspapers.

American Airlines uses its Admiral’s Club as a first-class lounge. You pay for your booze, the place is noisy and crowded. KLM’s Amsterdam lounge is large and spacious, if a little stark. There are two bars, a selection of cheeses and breads for passengers, and too many smokers. The best: Singapore. The worst: American.

Inside the Plane

Airplane decor: United’s decor is too busy, the colors are too intense, with blocks of cinnamon, blue and orange racing across the fabric-patterned front of the plane. This is not a restful atmosphere in which to spend 12 or 14 hours.

Singapore has a peaceful scene of Chinese junks at the front of the cabin, and soft blues and browns to settle you. American had pleasant seats with sheepskin inserts on the back, and muted colors of gray, burgundy and blue in the cabin.

KLM’s first-class seats were royal blue with gold stripes, there was a contemporary seascape at the front, and the carpets were light blue. The best: American. The worst: United.

Flight attendants: These are the people who make or break the flight for most passengers. United’s attendants wore blue slacks, striped blue and white shirts with a Windsor knot tie, blue flat shoes. A very conservative bunch with all the attendants--men and women--wearing severe, very short haircuts. The service was much like the hair: conservative, formal, few smiles. Still, it was efficient.

Singapore’s flight attendants wore colorful dresses split in the middle and cinched tight at the waist. The service was caring, quick, and every flight attendant called each passenger by his or her last name. Never was a wine glass allowed to empty before another was poured.

Military Fashion

American’s flight attendants were dressed in such a military fashion, with stripes on sleeves and eagles on breast pockets, one didn’t know whether to laugh or salute. Although their uniforms were ugly, the service was not. Not as gracious as Singapore, perhaps, but the American attendants did a first-rate job, smiling as they went through their very efficient work on a full airplane.

KLM’s flight attendants also wore a military look in their dark-blue uniforms. The service was impersonal, even cold, and not terribly efficient. The best: Singapore. The worst: KLM.

Amenities: One of the so-called “perks” of flying first-class are the amenities given passengers in the front of the plane. Depending on the airline, these range from small gifts such as pocket calculators to well-stocked leather cases of essentials such as toothbrushes.

United provided foam headphones that were too small--they kept slipping off my ears. The airline provides a kit with ankle socks, an eyeshade, Christian Dior Eau du Toilette and moisturizer, a Bic shaver and shaving cream, toothpaste and brush, mouthwash, a mending kit and a comb.

Singapore had wonderful headphones, with an earpiece about the size of an orange. They also gave passengers a slipper sock that was padded on the bottom for comfort when walking in the plane. Strangely, the airline provided no amenity kit, although the bathrooms were well-stocked with Stendhal moisturizer, Eau Sauvage after-shave and cologne, Listerine, toothbrushes and combs. At the end of the flight each first-class passenger received a miniature German leaded crystal vase.

Terrible Earphones

American’s earphones were terrible plastic and rubber monstrosities that were so uncomfortable you could only wear them for a few minutes at a time. The airline also failed to provide in its in-flight magazine a list of movies and music offered; the other airlines had a detailed list of music and movies.

The American amenity kit included hand lotion, a sewing kit, shoehorn, emery board, eyeshade, socks, comb, toothbrush and washcloth; no razor. There was a yellow rose in each bathroom, and Ralph Lauren cologne and after-shave.

KLM’s headphones were large and extremely comfortable. The airline provided padded slipper socks. (Why don’t U.S. carriers provide them? They are much more comfortable than the simple socks United and American give passengers.) There was Monsieur Rochus after-shave, Elizabeth Arden hand cream and Christian Dior cologne in the bathroom, plus a liquid soap container that was filthy.

Cigarettes where handed out to first-class passengers, and a gift of a tiny, ceramic Dutch house filled with jenever (a gin-like alcohol) was presented to each passenger at the conclusion of the flight. The best: United. The worst: American.

Meals Compared

Meals: United had a selection of four entrees, with chateaubriand the best choice. It was carved beside your seat and served with a good horseradish sauce. The usual caviar and vodka began the meal, Brie and port wine came after the main course, then ice cream.

Singapore began its service with an appetizer of satay , the wonderful “stick-food” of the nation. A nice touch with dinner is the serving of hot garlic bread. Both Asian and American foods were available, with four entrees on the Western menu and three on the Asian.

American’s meal service started off badly with the serving of poppy seed rolls on a paper doily. Why not use a plate, like all the other airlines? Four rather ordinary entrees were offered--prime rib, pork tenderloin and the like, but the beef was pleasant enough, and the dessert, a hot-fudge sundae, was wonderful and very, very American.

KLM’s menu was easily the most ambitious and interesting, featuring such goodies as goose breast with a red currant sauce, calf’s sweetbreads with a cream sauce, and filet of roebuck served in a red wine sauce among the entrees. I had veal medallions served with apricots and green peppers and it was superb. Dutch cheeses and bonbons finished off a most satisfying meal. The best: KLM. The worst: American.

A Variety of Wines

Wines: The airlines went all out on wines, with both United and American featuring American wines as well as French, and the others mostly sticking to French and German vintages. Interestingly, all served a different champagne: United poured Laurent Perrier Grand Siecle; Singapore, Dom Perignon; American, Piper-Heidsieck Brut Diplomatique, and KLM, Tattinger Brut.

I liked United’s wine list the best, because of my taste for Chateau St. Jean Chardonnay and Robert Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon, both of which were on its list. The best: United. The worst: American.

Movies: United provided two movies: “The Karate Kid, Part Two” and “Hannah and Her Sisters.” Singapore played “Where the River Runs Black ,” American offered “Tough Guys” and KLM “Crocodile Dundee.” The best: United. The worst: Singapore.

Catch-All Category

Miscellaneous: This category is a catch-all of the good and bad of each flight. United failed to provide any current newspapers or magazines on its flight. It had an interpreter, and the captain came down from the flight deck to chat with the passengers; a nice, friendly American touch. Each passenger was given a red carnation in welcome.

During some clear-air turbulence, one flight attendant “lost it” and shouted into the microphone: “ Sit down ! If you are in the aisle, sit on the floor and hang on !” The turbulence wasn’t all that bad; certainly not bad enough to alarm passengers with such a frantic announcement.

Singapore had a terrible arrangement with smokers and nonsmokers across the aisle from one another, rather than smokers in the back and non-smokers in the front. The result was a constant cloud of smoke over non-smokers.

The bathrooms were extraordinarily clean, with flight attendants often wiping up soiled basins and the like. None of the other airlines had such clean bathrooms. The captain on Singapore was very informative, providing information on wind, weather, time zones, the International Date Line, and the few sights along the route, including a smashing view of San Francisco as we passed by on the way to Los Angeles. Singapore also had a splendid duty-free shopping selection, with a 24-page catalogue from which to choose.

American had extremely tight security at Dallas, with security guards questioning you about luggage, if you had been asked to carry anything on board by a friend, etc. The toilets on the American DC-10 are a bad joke. The doors open out into the aisles and impede flight attendants and other passengers. They should, of course, open in.

The DC-10 also has that absurd TV camera in the cockpit that projects fuzzy images of the airport as you land and take off.

A Nice Touch

American was the only airline to provide new silver with each course; a nice touch. KLM had the most comfortable seats, and the water in the toilets was purple, not the usual sickly green. Their in-flight salespeople were a little too aggressive, I thought.

So there you have it, all 45 hours and 7 minutes later. All the airlines did many things well, and all failed in some areas. If I were to choose my favorite airline of the four, the one I would most look forward to flying again soon, it would be Singapore.

If I were to choose the one I would just as soon avoid the next time, it would probably be KLM. Not that it isn’t a fine airline, but I found the service appallingly lacking in efficiency and friendliness. It could have been an aberration, and previous flights on KLM indicate that is probably the case, but when you are paying several thousand dollars for a first-class ticket, no crew should have a bad day.

Neither United nor American was spectacular, but both provided on-time, pleasant flights. But American should throw out its torturous headphones, and United should hire a new decorator for its airplanes.