MOVIE REVIEWS : ‘SURF NAZIS’ A TOTAL WIPEOUT

Simply calling “Surf Nazis Must Die” (Hollywood Egyptian) a bad movie doesn’t do it justice. This is a horror-action movie with dull action and horror, feebly done on every level: leaden satire, a repulsive romance, a revenge saga of zero intensity. The actors are often upstaged by the beach graffiti.

Even if you give it a couple of points for its outrageously catchy title--and a few more for occasionally attractive shots of California beaches and hangouts, an offbeat heroine, amusingly tacky ads and the fine muscle tone of its cast--this movie would still wind up on the minus side of any halfway rational aesthetic ledger.

In the Los Angeles of the future, “Surf Nazi’s” creators show us, the city has been reduced to rubble by an earthquake; due to the film’s low budget, we get this information through a hysterical radio broadcast and a few closeups of rubble. Soon, we see a lawless gang of Surf Nazis--led by squeaky Adolf (Barry Brenner), his butch main squeeze Eva (Dawn Wildsmith) and weaponsmith Mengele (Michael Sonye)--taking advantage of the chaos by spreading their vile yoke over the lightly populated beaches.

It’s a reign of terror that includes purse-snatching, Nazi youth skateboard tournaments, the stomping of rival gangs--including the Samurai Surfers and the Designer Waves--and a lot of oceanside campfires where the Nazis sit around trading sneers, scowls and monosyllabic insults.

Finally, when you’re ready to start hitting the seats around you in frustration, bloody revenge arrives in the hefty shape of Mama Washington (Gail Neely)--”Yo Mama” to us--whose boy Leroy was killed by the Beach Bund and who descends with a mother’s wrath on this human vermin, mercifully putting an end to “Surf Nazis Must Die” (MPAA rated R for language, violence--and some peculiar activity which might be sex). Not a moment too soon, Mama. But where were you 90 minutes ago?