Party’s Founder Admits Funny Ideas : Nihilist Platform Isn’t Anything Much

Nihilist Party chief Elisha Shapiro is pushing hard to make the T-Bird the national bird, Hollywood the capital, and get National League baseball teams in Managua and Havana.

But he’s the first to admit it all boils down to nothing in the end.

Voters are unlikely to see the Nihilist Party listed on ballots in 1988, because of such minor details as state qualifying rules.

But that doesn’t faze candidate and party founder Shapiro, 33, a performance artist and remedial reading instructor who says his chief qualification in his write-in campaign for the Oval Office is a “fun-loving attitude.”

“The few people who have heard of my campaign all say I’m getting their vote,” says Shapiro, a former University of California at Berkeley student with devilish eyebrows and a seemingly perpetual smile.

Nihilist Olympics

Shapiro attracted media attention in 1984 when he organized the Nihilist Olympics as an alternative of sorts to the Summer Games in Los Angeles. Contestants vied in such events as the U-turn Contest and the Decathlon of Housework, which featured competitions in “Dusting While Talking on the Phone,” “Vacuuming While Reading People Magazine” and “Concealing Dirt.”

Why a Nihilist for President? Shapiro says people are sick of politicians who always portray the other side as wrong. Nihilists--who don’t believe in anything at all--would be an improvement, he says.

“I think we’re all a little tired of politicians who think they’re always right.”

Some Party Initiatives

In addition to replacing the bald eagle with the Ford Thunderbird as the national bird, party initiatives include:

- The Government Exchange Program: To aid in international understanding, the U.S. government would trade places with another government for one month each year.

- Nuclear Poker: His administration would disarm 10 warheads and put them on an isolated island somewhere between the United States and the Soviet Union. “Then the bet will be to the Soviets,” Shapiro says. “They can call or raise.”

- Capital Move: The nation’s capital would be relocated to Los Angeles because, Shapiro says, Hollywood is already the cultural capital of the world.

- National League Expansion: Including baseball-loving Nicaragua and Cuba in the National League would knock the Soviets out of the competition for political influence in those countries, says Shapiro.

Shapiro, who bills himself as “A Dangerous Leader for Dangerous Times,” says that what America needs is a President “who’s not afraid of making reckless changes.”

He pledges to select half his appointments by a national lottery, but promises to appoint radical black Muslim leader Louis Farrakhan ambassador to South Africa and his girlfriend, 30-year-old television costume designer Carol Booton, chief of Fashion Police.

Shapiro, who says his campaign is as much art as politics, hopes to appear in person at art centers and universities in all primary and caucus states. He claims to already have 50 volunteers.

Shapiro defines nihilism as the rejection of values, but admits to having a few of his own. For example, he leans toward environmentalism because “it’s more aesthetically pleasing.”

But lest the voter take that for a commitment, he quickly adds: “Don’t count on it. That’s one thing about Nihilist candidates. They can change.”