Trojans Struggle to the Top

THE COLLEGES

Where’s Irwindale when we need it? Or Anaheim or Pasadena?

Only one football team’s going to be left behind in Los Angeles and it has to be hapless USC? The Trojans, who successfully established their crawling game en route to a 27-13 thrashing by Michigan State? (The Spartans, you’ll remember, are odds-on favorites to finish at least fourth in the Big Ten.)

Or did USC field its 1986 team due to a computer error?

Of course, the Trojans aren’t the only fallen power. The Texas Shoehorns are up a tree, after a 31-3 thrashing by Auburn. And owner Marge Schott said she won’t take the blame for the Cincinnati’s 10-7 loss to Rutgers.

THE RANKINGS:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. USC (0-1) 13-27, Mich. St. Healing 2. Texas (0-1) 3-31, Auburn BYU 3. Troy State (0-1) 17-18, SE Mo. Healing 4. Florida (0-1) 4-31, Miami (Fla.) Tulsa 5. Texas A$M (0-1) 3-17, LSU Recruiting 6. Illinois (0-1) 14-34, N. Carolina Ariz. State 7. Iowa (0-1) 22-23, Tennessee Arizona 8. Stanford (0-1) 21-31, Wash. Yachting 9. Pentagon (0-1) 13-27, Wyoming Classified 10. BYU (0-1) 17-27, Pitt Texas

11. Maryland (0-1); 12. Cincinnati (0-1); 13. Akron (0-1); 14. SMU (0-0); 15. (Tie) West Carolina, North Carolina State, South Carolina State (all 0-1); 18. Bill & Mary (0-1); 19. Columbia (0-0); 20. Colgate-Palmolive (0-1);

GEOLOGICAL BOTTOM TEN: Black Hills State (0-1); Slippery Rock (0-1).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: BYU (0-1) at Texas (0-1).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: USC (idle).

QUOTEBOOK: USC coach Larry Smith, after the opener: “If we continue to make the mistakes we did tonight, we’ll go 0-11 this season.” (That’s the spirit, coach. But it won’t be easy.)

THE SHAMS

“We did nothing new,” Coach John Robinson said after the Rams final exhibition against Washington (surely you remember who won), admitting that he didn’t want to give away any secrets during the game. Such is common wisdom among his colleagues.

And 51,133 Anaheim Stadium fans were given the opportunity to pay full (regular-season) prices to see the NFL charade. In fact, most NFL teams--including the Rams--force season-ticket buyers to include exhibition games in the packages. (It could be worse--the Rams were the home team against Denver in London, but season ticket-holders weren’t required to pay for that one.)

Now, another exhibition season is over, characterized, as usual, by appearances from hopeless-hopefuls, creaky veterans and stars going through the motions.

A COLLECTION OF EXHIBITION LOWLIGHTS:

1. Chicago QB Jim Harbaugh: 15 passes, 1 completion, vs. St. Louis.

2. San Diego QB Dan Fouts: 11 passes, 3, completions, 14 yards, vs. San Francisco.

3. San Diego RB Barry Redden: 15 carries, 16 yards vs. San Francisco.

4. Green Bay QB Chuck Fusina: 8 passes, 2 completions, 3 interceptions, 6 yards, vs. Washington

5. Dallas QB Danny White,: 8 passes, 3 completions, 16 yards, vs. San Diego.

DISHONORABLE MENTION: 6. Chicago RB Walter Payton 7 carries 13 yards vs. Pittsburgh: 7. Raiders RB Marcus Allen, 4 carries, 12 yards, vs. S.F.; 8. Tampa QB Vinny Testaverde: 24 passes, 6 completions, 42 yards vs. Indianapolis; 9. Raiders QB Rusty Hilger, 13 passes, 3 completions, 49 yards, vs. Dallas; 10. KC QB Bill Kenney: 5 pass attempts, no completions, no yards (needless to say), vs. Atlanta.

Thanks for the memories, guys.

QUOTEBOOK: When 19 Rams sat out an exhibition game against San Diego, Rams QB Hugh Millen described the replacements as some guys “who’ll be working at their cousins’ cleaners in a few weeks.”