THE TRUTH UNBUCKLED

Two weeks ago Outtakes asked readers to help count the buckles attached to Michael Jackson’s “Bad” outfit and, more earthshakingly, explain why the Ungloved One is wearing so many of them. The deluge of loose leaf and post cards and even a typed letter or two was overwhelming. Not one managed to come up with the correct number. According to Jackson’s PR people, Michael--who designed the outfit himself--is wearing 46 buckles. Why? The PR people said Michael said there’s no special meaning behind them. But readers think differently. Here’s a representative sampling of their buckle guesses and buckle explanations--the ones that are suitable for a family newspaper.

I’m not sure of the exact count of Michael’s buckles, but I do know there is one very large buckle on the back of his head; this holds his face on.

As you know, Michael gets bored rather easily with his face, and enjoys changing it on a regular basis. This big buckle facilitates quick changes at Michael’s whim.

As for the meaning of these soon-to-be-a-fad buckles, none is needed.

JOHN MONTGOMERY

Santa Barbara