There’s No Stopping Columbia, It’s on a Roll

THE COLLEGES Northwestern, whose proud football tradition includes a stint by George Steinbrenner as assistant football coach back in the 1950s (no joke), is about to be downstaged by No. 1 Columbia.

The Lions lost their 34th game in a row last Saturday, tying Northwestern’s prized NCAA record. When Columbia registers No. 35 against Princeton Saturday, the school’s name will be inscribed on the bronze dunce-cap trophy in the Bottom Ten Hall of Fame, which was straddling the San Andreas Fault in Rancho Cucamonga, Calif., as of Tuesday.

Columbia’s scoring attack is so weak that its seasonal total had to be sent to the school’s biology department, where a microscopic analysis determined that its points-per-game average is 2.3.

All but forgotten, meanwhile, was winless Stanford, which tumbled to No. 3 after holding UCLA Heisman Trophy candidate Gaston Green to 48 yards rushing (not counting one little 91-yard run).

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Columbia (0-3) 3-23, Penn Princeton 2. Purdue (0-3-1) 19-21, Minnehaha Illinois 3. Stanford (0-4) 0-49, UCLA Washington St. 4. Ga. Tech (1-3) 0-17, N.C. St. Indiana St. 5. Illinois (1-3) 6-10, Ohio St. Purdue 6. Ol’ Miss (1-4) 14-31, Georgia Kentucky 7. Tex. A$M(2-2) 21-27, Tex. Tech Houston 8. Also-Rams (0-3) 10-37, N.O. Aints Pitts 9. N’westn (0-3-1) 18-35, Indiana Minnehaha 10. Wshingtn (3-2) 22-29, Oregon* Arizona St.

11. Nevada (Circus Circus) (1-2); 12. San Diego State (1-4); 13.-16. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, Virginia Military Institute) (8-9); 17. Houston (1-2); 18. Texas (2-2); 19. idle; 20. (tie) Pacifist 10 Conference (16-15 in non-league games).

*No more jokes about Ducks quacking under pressure.

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Illinois (1-3) at Purdue (0-3-1).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Houston (1-2) over Texas A$M (2-2).

FORGETTABLE QUOTES: “What makes this game so difficult for us is you guys (the media),” UCLA Coach Terry Donahue said before the Bruins’ 49-0 win over Stanford.

THE PROS What’s happened to the Giants (0-3)? The defending Super Bowl champions went up against the 49ers Monday night with some out-of-shape guys who looked as if they had just walked in off the streets. And the results showed in a 21-41 thumping.

The Rams (0-3), at least, know where they went wrong. They shouldn’t have added 10 ex-NFL players to their roster last week--even if a couple of them, Nolan Cromwell and Jim Collins, had a lot of experience. Coach John Robinson admitted the newcomers hurt more than they helped when he said: “We may have been better served with the guys who practiced together.”

Elsewhere, the Raiders, their passing attack better than at any time this season, scored an exciting 35-17 win over Kansas City--before just 10,708 fans at the Coliseum. No wonder they’re moving to Irwindale. Los Angeles obviously can’t support a pro football team.

In Tampa Bay, quarterback John Reaves, benched early Sunday against Detroit, has demanded to be traded.

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. N.Y. Ants (0-3) 21-41, S. Fran Washington 2. Also-Rams (0-3) 10-37, N.O. Aints Pitts 3. Buffaloed (1-2) 6-47, Indianapolis N.E. Patsies 4. N.E. Patsies (1-2) 10-20, Cleveland Buffaloed 5. Mylanta (1-2) 12-28, Pitts S. Francisco

6. Maladroit Lions (0-3); 7. Cincinnati Bungles (1-2); 8. Denver Omelets (1-1-1); 9. Miami Mice (1-2); 10. Ex-UCLA QBs (3-2) (Steve Bono and Rick Neuheisel were winners Sunday, while Matt Stevens, David Norrie and Bernard Quarles lost.)

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: L.A. Also-Rams (0-3) vs. Pitts (2-1).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Indianapolis (1-2, and now a favorite to play in the Super Bowl) over N.Y. Hang-Gliders (2-1).

DOUBLE AGENT (?): “I was thinking of the guys (striking players) out there,” said New England running back Tony Collins, who crossed the picket line, then gained 24 yards in 15 carries and fumbled twice Sunday.

WOULD ALZADO AND THE TOOZ HAVE REACTED THIS WAY?: After the 5.5 aftershock in Southern California early Sunday, 14 of the Raiders replacements slept the rest of the night in the hotel lobby.

ROOKIE-OF-THE-YEAR RACE: N.Y. Glider quarterback David Norrie was sacked 10 times; Buffalo’s Willie Totten fumbled 5 times, and New York Ants quarterback Mike Busch nearly strangled himself on national TV Monday night by buckling his helmet incorrectly when he was sent into the game.