IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT SANTA

He is a man of near-mythic talent, an awesome combination of physical dexterity and personal charm.

He would be the stuff of make-believe were his feats not so real and oft-recorded: the nocturnal Christmas Eve flights in his reindeer-drawn sleigh; the inimitable body control as he slides down chimneys with his sackful of toys; the merry pursuit of making little children happy as he leaves his bikes and puppies and kitties under Christmas trees.

The mere mention of his name, Santa Claus, fills us with wonder. How does he do it? the wide-eyed children ask, and adults are hard put to explain. All we know is that in a world of phony kindnesses, Santa is a reminder that people can be good and kind without being unctuous.

Plus, the man has an insatiable appetite for cookies.

To children, he is perfect. To adults, he is the one person about whom you cannot be cynical.

But precisely because he inspires such adulation, there are, sadly, impostors in our midst. Children who visit the malls of Orange County this holiday season will encounter some of them.

“Santa doesn’t get sick, smoke, drink or flirt,” says Tammy Goodson, who conducts Santa training sessions for Western Temporary Services. “He’s the perfect person. He can’t do any of those things. He can’t wear his Rolex watch. He does not ride on buses or down the street on a motorcycle in his Santa suit.”

Mimi Dahle also trains Santas for Nix Special Events in Carson. This year, she will have proteges in 16 Southern California malls, including Orange County.

“It’s a very abusive, tiring and hot job,” Dahle said. “You really have to be a special person to play Santa. It’s not as easy as you think. I fire maybe two a season for not doing what they’re supposed to do. What happens is that their attitude changes. They find it’s so hot, and they’re constantly complaining that they want a break. We only allow one break.”

But surely, the perfect Santa must be out there somewhere. What follows is a log of visits to 13 major malls in Orange County that offer Santa Clauses this Christmas season. It should be noted that not all Santas were observed, because some malls use more than one.

IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT SANTA

DAY ONE

Buena Park Mall: The Santa set was appealing, with its simulated ski lifts, evergreen trees dusted with snow, stuffed animals and two seesawing bears. However, Santa had some problems. His wrists were too thin, the beard was not good and the belt rode too high. He had an excellent voice, and while he got points for stopping and shaking a baby’s hand as he walked in the mall, he lost points for saying “ho-ho-ho” far too frequently.

It brought to mind what Dahle said about training a roomful of Santas: “We tell them to wave, and if they want to ho-ho-ho, they can once in a while, but not all the time because it becomes obnoxious. . . . They really have to say ho-ho-ho in a certain way.” The best ho-ho-hos, she said, “are from the ones you can tell really mean it.”

Westminster Mall: An enchanting set. Children walk over a wooden footbridge and along a path that leads through snow-covered evergreens to get to Santa, sitting in a sleigh. But while the Buena Park Santa overdid it, this Santa, alas, was too reserved. Kirsten Jenkin, 3, offered this first-hand assessment: “I couldn’t see his mouth.” Asked if Santa offered a “ho-ho-ho,” Kirsten replied, “I wanted him to say it to me, but he didn’t.”

Huntington Center Mall:At first glance, the overall look wasn’t good, but what a personality. The beard, which appeared to be real, was too short and looked grayish--not the snowy white we’ve come to expect. In addition, gray hair showed under his hat. The Santa suit was maroon, not the authentic fire-engine red.

But every one of the children who sat on his lap during a 30-minute period seemed to love him. During an exchange with a little girl walking on the mall, Santa said: “How old are you? Three? Wow! You want to come tell me what you want for Christmas?” At first reluctant, the little girl was charmed. But 9-year-old Chris Kontoes of Huntington Beach couldn’t overlook the obvious: “His beard could have been a little bit whiter. It was sort of grayish. His conversation was pretty good, and I’d give him points for niceness.”

IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT SANTA . . .

DAY TWO

“They have to have a lot of enthusiasm,” Tammy Goodson had said. “Santa never shows his moods, even if someone has just had an accident on him, he doesn’t show it. He just gets up and puts up the ‘Feed the Reindeer’ sign and goes to fix the problem. With a little kid, they can get you right up in the beard if they’re especially jumpy.”

The City Shopping Center, Orange: There’s a long walk to Santa, but it’s on carpet and with none of the Christmasy feeling that Westminster Mall offered. In short, there’s no North Pole feeling at all. Santa, clearly an impostor, was so thin his suit hung on him. He was too jumpy for the self-contented Claus we’ve come to know--constantly tapping his foot, shaking his leg and clapping his hands together. What must the children have thought? That Santa was having a nicotine fit? To complete the sad picture, Santa was sitting in a white wicker chair.

MainPlace/Santa Ana: Again, the look did him in. The face was too tiny, with no hint of robustness. The fake boots over the shoes were much too obvious. The set was much too routine: no snow, no trees. And with the absence of music or bells, there was no enchantment. Santa’s suit looked too big for him, as if he had been fasting since last Christmas. As a result, when he leaned over, the suit bunched up.

South Coast Plaza, Costa Mesa: The most elaborate set yet. Christmas music filled the air and a carrousel added to the merriment. Giant children’s blocks surrounded Santa and a 20-foot-high snowman. The hugeness of the set made it hard to see Santa, which added to the mystery of a visit to St. Nick. From a distance, Santa looked pretty good, and, so far, none of the kids were crying. With a possibly perfect Santa in sight, an expert witness was recruited: Billy Kessler, 11, of Long Beach, who has been visiting Santas since he was 3 or 4 years old and who on this day was wearing a T-shirt with Einstein on the front. Billy’s been around long enough to know how the Santa routine goes: “I tell them what I want, they take the picture and it’s over.”

Billy’s assessment of the Santa: “He’s doing an OK job. He doesn’t exactly express himself that much. The one last year would say ‘ho-ho-ho.’ This one asked if I knew anything about Einstein’s equations.” And the look? “He looked good. The beard looked a little fake, but the rest of the look would match the Santa Claus you’d see in books.”

And the final question: Was he the perfect Santa? “He was not the perfect Santa,” Billy said.

IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT SANTA . . .

DAY THREE

The thought occurs that maybe there isn’t a perfect Santa. Mimi Dahle has seen a few duds in her time. She estimates that she has placed about 750 Santas over the years and remembers the one would-be Santa who fooled everyone by showing up in a business suit every time he came to Santa school. Then, when he was given his first real assignment, “He went on break and went to the nearest bar in the mall in his Santa suit. I came unglued. I was devastated. We fired him on the spot.”

Mall of Orange: To the trained eye, a bogus Santa can be spotted from great distances. Here’s another one: a puny Santa with his suit hanging on him like drapes. Aren’t there any fat men in Orange County? The other problem was a general lack of dynamism. Going to see Santa must be a vibrant, exciting experience. It has to be different than going to see your uncle. And with a Santa that looks like, well, a wimp, the thrill just isn’t there.

Anaheim Plaza: This seemed promising. Finally, a Santa that looked like one. Big bulky legs and a tree-trunk torso. Kind of a pink face peeking out from under the beard. Now we’re getting somewhere. Unfortunately, the mall people put him in a castlelike setting, although it’s doubtful Santa ever set foot in a castle. But without question, the best-looking Claus yet. So, when his tour of duty was over, he was followed. He walked slowly, just like an elderly Santa is supposed to. The ones who dash off betray their age.

He changed into jeans and a shirt and went Christmas shopping--in the crystal department. Ah, a thoughtful Santa, trying to be inconspicuous and talking to no one. The brain sent a message: This could be the one.

The person following him walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. “Are you Santa?”

“Yes,” the man answered. He said his real-life name is Patrick Barker. He is 29, and he lives in Anaheim. He said he weighs 350 pounds.

He was asked how he started. “I started in 1981. I was just getting out of the Navy, and my mom saw an ad in the paper. I didn’t have anything to do.”

How good is he? “I’m pretty good. What can I say? I’ve been told a lot of times I’d be the perfect Santa.”

Certainly, his size helps. “For me, it’s a little rough because they don’t make suits this big.”

Hmmm, would the perfect Santa make an admission like that? He was asked what his biggest problem is. Surely it must be answering all the kids’ wishes.

“It’s not that hard a job. Anybody could do it. Even you could do it. The toughest part of the job is keeping your eyes straight at the camera when they take your picture.”

Sigh.

Fashion Square of La Habra: Not a bad Santa, but he was overpowered by the presence of Mrs. Claus. If this was a search for the perfect Mrs. Santa, she’d be the one.

Brea Mall: An elaborate playland set with Santa in a green leather-backed chair. From the upper level of the mall, a young girl yelled down to Santa: “Say ‘ho-ho-ho.’ ”

Santa didn’t reply. He waved, however.

“We omit the word ‘ho-ho-ho,’ Tammy Goodson had said. “It scares the kids.”

That sounds like heresy, but, in fact, few mall Santas say the magic words.

This Santa was friendly and, unlike some others, he motioned to children to come see him. That is in the true Santa tradition. Still, something was missing. Something called jollity. Where was the merriment, the fun? Where were the laughs that make Santa’s stomach shake like a bowlful of jelly?

To give this Santa every chance, two of his helpers were interviewed after they left the set. Sadly, they were smoking. While that may not be Santa’s fault, he must be held responsible for his employees. One of them said, “This Santa’s not as good on size, but the little kids don’t know that.”

Uh-oh. Trying to put something over on the little kids. That simply won’t do.

IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT SANTA . . .

DAY FOUR

Laguna Hills Mall: Rather than getting closer to the real Santa, the trail seemed to be getting colder. Following this Santa from behind, he cut almost a svelte figure. His suit hung around his arms, and the stuffing bunched in his stomach was a dead giveaway. The beard resembled those worn by Woody Allen in his movies--the ones where he’s overdoing the rabbi look. But just in case there was any doubt about this Santa, he had bony knees.

Mission Viejo Mall: Holy cow, can’t anyone dress? This Santa’s suit fit so poorly that the end of the belt hung out much too far. The No. 1 problem surfaced again: He wasn’t nearly big enough to be a passable Santa. In fact, he was not much bigger than his helper as they walked down the mall toward a private room.

Once there, Santa lit up a cigarette. Ouch, Santa. What if a child wandered in?

Fashion Island at Newport Center, Newport Beach: The last stop is a glitzy monument to the wealth and buying power of the county’s Gold Coast. It is the last place you might expect to find someone as warm and cuddly as the perfect Santa.

But . . .

“Oh, my goodness, my first bribe today.” The voice was lilting and playful and as unrehearsed and unaffected as a child’s. It was Santa Claus, sitting in a sleigh, talking to 2-year-old Craig Birchard of Laguna Hills, who despite his wariness had just handed Santa a nickel.

“Do you want to come up and say hello?” Santa asked. Craig wasn’t sure. “You can come up.”

“Ho-ho-ho,” Santa said, and it wasn’t a line from a manual. In fact, it wasn’t even really a “ho-ho-ho.” It was a natural, roll-off-the-tongue chuckle that expressed sheer glee and delight in the 2-year-old’s dilemma. The best ho-ho-hos, Mimi Dahle had said, are from the ones you can tell really mean it.

Craig backed into his mother’s arms. “OK,” Santa said merrily. “Well, leave me some cookies and a glass of milk.”

Santa settled back in his sleigh. His cheeks were rosy, as if he was still thawing from a North Pole chill. The beard was his own and white as snow, carefully trimmed--as you’d expect from a man who’s used to lots of detail work. He was portly, not obese, and the bushy white eyebrows danced across his brow.

But the personality. That’s the key. How much of it came from Santa school?

“I never went to Santa school,” he said, apparently bemused that anyone would ask. “It’s just something I feel deep inside.”

But the job can be demanding and tiring, someone said. “From the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas, my whole personality changes,” he said. “I become Santa Claus.”

It is, of course, the youngest children that he loves the most. “Every child is different, so I talk to everyone differently. I usually have a thing I say at the end to most children, and that is, ‘Be sure and help Mom around the house and go to bed early on Christmas Eve.’ Somebody usually says something about their own favorite thing that they left for me last year and I say, ‘Yes, I remember that. It was delicious.’ ”

Their eyes brighten because Santa remembered.

And so, the search for the perfect Santa ends.

Through Christmas Day, the perfect Santa can be found at Fashion Island from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. weekdays (except for Monday and Tuesday), from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturdays and from noon to 5 p.m. Sundays.

Moments after Santa ended his visits there with the children, Preston Hibbard, a 60-year-old toymaker and puppeteer from Orange, emerged. He looked like a regular person, but there was something about the cheeks, the beard that he’s had for 41 years, and the twinkle in his eyes.

“Everything I do in life is for children,” Hibbard said. “Santa is the most thrilling thing that ever happened to me.”

THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF SANTA CLAUSES The Do’s Do be familiar with the top toys on the market so you will know what the children are talking about. Do know the child’s name and use it in conversation. Do stress things their parents are encouraging for the children, such as brushing teeth or cleaning up room Do observe good personal hygiene because children are sitting close. The Don’ts Don’t promise a certain gift, because their parents may not be able to afford it. Don’t promise that Mom or Dad will get them a present, because the children may not have a Mom or Dad. Don’t touch the little girls skirts. Don’t force a child onto your lap. Don’t say “Ho-ho-ho” a lot. Don’t smoke while wearing the Santa suit. (If you must, bring mouthwash.) Don’t drink for at least eight hours before starting work. Don’t drive around town in the Santa suit. Don’t lift the children. Instead, raise them by putting them on your knee and lifting your leg. The list was compiled from Mimi Dahle and Barbara Jones, who teach Santa techniques.