And Now, Let’s Hail the Messengers Who Bring Us News on Channel 2

Let’s never forget, we’re the real story.

--TV reporter Aaron Altman in “Broadcast News”

I love bagels. I love peanut butter. I love pizza. I love beer. I love sports. I love my family. I love dogs. I love cats. I love gerbils.

Most of all, I love talking about me.

With credentials like these, I could be a TV anchorman.

Just kidding.

But KCBS-TV Channel 2 isn’t.

In its eternal quest for newscast ratings parity with the city’s other network-owned stations, Channel 2 has launched an advertising campaign using sophisticated video techniques to sell its news stars as the viewer’s extended family.

Be a sport. If one of these crackerjacks is out your way signing autographs, have him over for dinner. Maybe you can rake leaves or bake muffins together.

This is the ultimate ego stroke. The 30-second promos feature anchors and prominent reporters describing and celebrating themselves, a la anchor Chris Conangla on his passions for basketball and chocolate ice cream. The settings are cozy and homey, the lighting soft, the music sentimental, the look filmy and gauzy, the message. . . .

MEEEEEEE!!!

The campaign isn’t original, coming a year after those KNBC Channel 4 Christmas promos starring anchors and others as folksy storytellers. Anchor John Beard was in the woods, recalling a couple who’d wed each other nine times. Sportscaster Fred Roggin rejoiced in Hanukkah tales. Anchor Kirstie Wilde recalled her childhood search for Christmas cookies. And so on and so on until, tears rolling down your cheeks, you wanted to hug your TV.

Not to be outdone was KABC-TV Channel 7’s “We belong together” campaign, showing anchors and reporters with their families (or in Tawny Little’s case, squeezing her kitty).

Channel 7 familial spots still show up occasionally, but Channel 4 ultimately shifted to a smashingly funny and innovative campaign depicting a rivalry between Roggin and weathercaster Fritz Coleman that exploits their comic talents. Although a bizarre way to promote a newscast, it’s at least entertaining and, in its own way, more honest than these choreographed “candid” vignettes.

Now, here comes Channel 2, which had been chugging hard at positioning itself as the local station most serious about covering the news, with this:

Weekend anchor Valerie Coleman is at home, talking about herself. Anchor Tritia Toyota eats cake and reveals that “it’s nice to slow down” after a hard day in the newsroom. Resembling a tape for a video dating service, entertainment reporter Steve Kmetko is captured in a dreamy mood, lazily running his finger along a piece of furniture as he reveals that he became a reviewer because he can’t sing, dance or act. Which this promo disproves.

In fact, what strikes you most is how interwoven are the skills for appearing before a camera in a news studio and for appearing in these rehearsed, scripted sales videos--how easily they could be transposed without missing a beat.

Conangla’s promo begins with a close-up of a Teddy bear, as Channel 2’s newest anchor speaks:

“I have a 4-year-old daughter who thinks L.A. is somewhere between Magic Mountain and Disneyland. I love basketball. In fact, I call myself a born-again Laker. My grandfather was a newspaperman, so I guess you could say the family’s been making headlines for years. If there was a law against chocolate ice cream, I would definitely be on the 10 Most Wanted list. My family has a saying: ‘Remember who you are.’ With a name like Conangla . . . it’s easy.”

Off-screen voice: “Chris Conangla anchors Channel 2 news . . . weeknights.”

Right. And with qualifications like those, you’d have to be an utter fool not to tune in. If nothing else, Chris is your man for those fast-breaking stories on chocolate ice cream.

Like the others, his promo is punctuated by symbolism.

The Teddy bear means family, a man with loved ones, a caring, trustworthy dad who can be soft. But the tight shots of athletic shoes and the white-sweatered Conangla tossing a basketball at his desk at home show you a regular guy, a man’s man you can depend on when things get rough. The tight shot of his ice cream stresses that Conangla has small weaknesses--just like the rest of us. In fact, he’s one of us. The photo of his newspapering grandfather informs you that Conangla is a solid man with firm roots. And the close-up of a mug filled with pens tells you that those roots are journalistic.

It’s a glossy package.

Channel 2 has made an admirable effort to upgrade its news coverage, and its new noon newscast is another step in the right direction. But what do these spots tell you about Channel 2’s determination to cover news responsibly? Nothing. What do they tell you about Channel 2’s determination to seduce viewers by polishing the hood ornaments who head newscasts? Everything.

The fictional Aaron Altman of James L. Brooks’ terrific new movie “Broadcast News” is being sarcastic in saying that reporters are the real story. He’s ridiculing the process of elevating the reporter above the story, the very process that these Channel 2 spots and other TV news practices feed.

TV news institutions create their personal Hollywood Walks of Fame, conveying star status on their own as a way of outdoing the competition and inducing viewers to watch. The spotlight is unavoidable to some extent, TV exposure being so pervasive that any extended presence on the screen grants a degree of celebrity, wanted or not. Yet TV news purposely widens and intensifies the beam to suit its own purposes.

The same process was at work during the recent debate on NBC featuring Democratic and Republican presidential candidates in a format that glorified anchorman Tom Brokaw more than it focused on the candidates. And the same process is at work on every “60 Minutes” story reported by Diane Sawyer, in which Sawyer is invariably on the screen almost as much as the people or story she’s covering.

Pick your own example.

Reporters shouldn’t be the story, but they’ll continue to be in a system that so often stresses the messenger over the message.

Chris Conangla’s family saying applies here: “Remember who you are.” That’s the problem, isn’t it? This is who they are.