Cross-Country Skiing: He’s Got It Down Cold

Dan Jenkins, taking an irreverent look at the Winter Olympics in Playboy magazine, had this to say about cross-country skiing:

--”What you do at a cross-country ski race is look for the athlete whose nose has grown the longest icicle.”

--”The winner of any cross-country ski race always has a name like Johan Sven Oddbjorn and speaks fluent salmon.”

--”Cross-country skiing is not a sport. It’s merely how a Swede goes to the 7-Eleven.”

Add Jenkins: Explaining the biathlon, he said: “A Russian puts on a pair of skis, picks up a rifle, slides around in the trees and stops every so often to shoot an East German.”

On why he likes figure skating the most: “You can see some great legs on the girls and a lot of guys who’d make darn fine waiters.”

Joe Gibbs, fearing the presence of spies, had his Redskins wear different numbers at practice, but Joe Jacoby had to stick with the old one.

“I couldn’t fit in anyone else’s uniform,” he said.

Jacoby is 6 feet 7 inches and 305 pounds.

Add Redskins: Says Dexter Manley: “In my mind, we’ve already won the game. You have to think that way, and we do. We’ve been bredded (sic) real well, so I think we’ll win.”

Trivia Time: In the 1984 Super Bowl, who scored the first touchdown for the Raiders in their 38-9 win over the Washington Redskins? (Answer below.)

They talk about the rifle arm of John Elway, but Baton Rouge, La., businessman Paul Mitchell can’t imagine anyone throwing harder than Doug Williams, whom he caught when Williams pitched for an American Legion baseball team in 1972.

“He broke every blood vessel in my glove hand,” Mitchell told USA Today. “I’ve never seen anybody throw that hard.”

Jeremiah Castille, who caused the fumble that saved Denver in the AFC championship game, said it was a great moment, but not his greatest.

He told Peter King of Newsday: “In 1982, when I was playing at Alabama, I had three interceptions at the Liberty Bowl against Tony Eason of Illinois. It was Bear Bryant’s last game. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. That game means more to me than any play.

“There was one play in that game I’ll always remember. On Illinois’ second drive, one of their receivers was going in for a score, and I tackled him at the two and made him fumble. We recovered it.”

Alabama won, 21-15.

In the movie, the Three Amigos had a motto, so how about the Denver receivers of the same name?

Said Mark Jackson: “Our motto is, ‘We sip wine and chase women.’ ”

Dal Maxvill, general manager of the St. Louis Cardinals who lost Jack Clark to the New York Yankees, had this to say after being introduced by Jack Buck at a St. Louis baseball banquet: “Thank you, Mr. Buck. You don’t mind if I call you Mr. Buck, do you? I’m having trouble saying Jack these days.”

Trivia Answer: Derrick Jensen. He blocked a Washington punt and recovered it in the end zone.

Quotebook

Florida basketball Coach Norm Sloan, on why he hates the zone defense: “It looks like five guys being held up in a convenience store.”