The Only Problem Is Where to Pin Medal

While athletes paraded in the Opening Ceremony of the Winter Games, in another section of Calgary, Canada, a young woman named Danielle paraded on a stage at the Banana Maxx nightclub and progressively removed her clothes as the first contestant in the Miss Nude O. Contest.

Originally, it was billed as the Miss Nude Olympics Contest, but it had to be be changed because Olympic organizers threatened a lawsuit over copyright infringement.

Benjamin Zalmanowitz, owner of the nightclub, had vowed to fight the change but said: “I called my lawyer and he said, ‘Don’t play with those guys. They’re mean and nasty, and they mean business.’ ”

By whatever name, Zalmanowitz promised it would be a lot of fun.

“During the Olympics, there’s got to be more for folks to do than going to watch people stand on two pieces of wood and go down a hill,” he said.

Danielle, 20, who bills herself as Miss de Lust, said: “I’m supposed to be in the finals tonight, but I want to go home. I miss my boyfriend.”

Meanwhile, at the stadium, Reuters reported that the Calgary Sun was giving away free copies of its $8.95 SUNshine ’88 calendar, “featuring 14 fabulous SUNshine Girls!”--all scantily clad.

“She’s the girl you turn to every day amidst the wars, the strikes and other crises. Even when your team loses both ends of a doubleheader, your stock tumbles and your taxes rise, she’s always there--with a smile,” the paper said.

Debi Thomas has made the cover of a number of publications, including Time magazine, but she missed Sports Illustrated, which suits her coach just fine.

“The kiss of death,” said Alex McGowan. “When I saw John Elway on the cover before the Super Bowl, I went right out and bet the Redskins.”

Trivia Time: Who carried the torch into the Coliseum at the Opening Ceremony of the Summer Olympic Games in 1984? (Answer below.)

Today’s game against the Boston Celtics comes a year after Mychal Thompson made his Forum debut for the Lakers after being traded from the San Antonio Spurs.

“This weekend is the anniversary of my rebirth, the beginning of my new career,” Thompson said. “The night I was traded to the Lakers, I looked to the north and saw a new star in the heavens. It was big and bright and it was gold with a purple hue around it. It had to be a sign. I knew it.”

It-had-to-happen dept.: “A pretty good free-throw shooter,” said CBS announcer Tim Brant as Syracuse’s Derrick Coleman went to the line to shoot a pair against Georgetown Saturday.

Two bricks.

How good is Mario Lemieux of the Pittsburgh Penguins? Says Calgary Coach Terry Crisp: “I would be willing to go to jail six months to have him. I’d gladly go on bread and water and relish every bite and every slip.”

From Cincinnati Bengals Coach Sam Wyche, who broke both his arms while playing in a charity basketball game: “The doctor told me he’d seen this kind of injury once, when somebody jumped out of a second-story window to avoid a fire.”

Said Wyoming basketball Coach Benny Dees when asked who he thought pelted his house with eggs after the Cowboys lost four conference games: “I don’t know who did it. It might have been Paul Roach.”

Roach is Wyoming’s athletic director.

Trivia Answer: Gina Hemphill, granddaughter of Jesse Owens. She passed the torch to Rafer Johnson, who lit the flame.

Quotebook

George Tucker, 41, of Puerto Rico, a 240-pounder who concedes he has little chance to win a medal in the luge at Calgary: “I’m the oldest, fattest and worst luger in the world.”