I’m a part of the child’s life right now, rather than . . . a visitor in her life.

With a string of court appearances on custody behind him, Steve Weiss is looking forward to establishing a stable home for his 4-year-old daughter, Tamara. Weiss is mastering the skills of a single parent in Newbury Park.

Tamara was 1 year old when her mom and I separated. I had stayed in that environment for a long time, basically to help my daughter. I finally realized that to help her I had to get out and help myself first and then pursue it.

It was a terrible feeling, to leave behind someone you love and not to have the constant contact with her. Coming home from work and not having her there. Trying to work out something with her mom. Days that I could see her, days that I could be with her. It was very difficult, and it had to be decided through the legal system what days I was to be allowed to see my daughter.

At first I had limited visitation every Monday and every other Sunday. That was the only contact that I was to have with my daughter. I felt more or less like a visitor. This was my daughter, and I was her father. I was not a visitor in her life. Through the course of time, I was denied visitations on certain weeks. Last summer, when I was not seeing her, that was the lowest point.

In October the court made a temporary change where I had custody of her seven days a week and her mom had visitation on Saturday. I felt great. My daughter was with me. But all of a sudden, now I had to make these plans. I had already talked with a nursery school that would keep her until 6 o’clock when I was working. It was great, the time that we were to spend together. Nothing better.

It seemed like twice a week I would have this massive laundry facing me. I’d have a pair of socks, a pair of underwear, three shirts and 27 outfits of hers. It was a lot of work, but it was rewarding to watch her grow. The things she would make at school, to have her show them to me and tell me about them. Those were things that I never had before. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything.

I have some female friends who are married, and they’re constantly giving me new recipes. It seems like I’m one of the girls now. Before, I went to McDonalds or popped a TV dinner into the oven. Now I’m a little more domestic and making balanced meals for her. I’m in the process now of looking for a larger place, and the funny thing is, the first thing I look at is the kitchen.

I used to go to the store every day to pick up something for myself. Now I’m doing my shopping once a week and trying to stock up so I have things in the house. Because if I run out of something at 6 at night, it’s a little more of a production than just throwing on a shirt and pants, hopping in the car and you’re there. So that’s been the biggest adjustment, I think.

That and constantly having toys in the tub. You take a shower and you’re stepping on dolls. Dolls everywhere. Those have been the adjustments. Cooking, and also learning how to make ponytails, and brushing the hair. There are friends who are trying to teach me how to braid hair, which I still don’t know. The different things that I would like to learn, putting the nail polish on her and things like that. Tamara’s taught me how to put lipstick on her.

Now we have joint custody. Tamara spends four nights here and three nights a week with her mother. This is really the first week. We’ll see what happens. Hopefully we’ll work together to make it advantageous to my daughter. I just want my daughter to have some healthy upbringing.

It’s a lot better than what it was. I’m a part of the child’s life right now, rather than feeling like I’m a visitor in her life. Now I can actually have contact with her teachers, her doctors. I know her friends at school. So I know the spectrum of what is happening in her life, where before I really didn’t and had to rely on what was being told to me second-hand. Now I can see first-hand what’s happening. And now that I’m on at least an even basis with her mom, I can have a voice in the decisions.