Sometimes It’s a Real Swamp Out There

In the tradition of The Great Hollywood Sequel comes . . . “The Return of Swamp Thing”!

The latest adventures of the half-man, half-thing (debut: 1982) will be co-written/directed by prolific Jim Wynorski, late of “Deathstalker II,” “Big Bad Mama II” and the “Not of This Earth” remake.

Speaking from Georgia, where he was location-scouting, Wynorski said the new plot finds Swamp Thing trying to regain his “normalcy.” Meanwhile, nemesis Dr. Arcane (Louis Jourdan returns) is searching for a drug that will bring him Eternal Life. Hmmm. . . . Stepdaughter (Heather Locklear) just might have the right blood matrix.

Further complications ensue when she and Swamp Thing meet . . . and, before you can say Beauty and the Beast, they’re exchanging Meaningful Glances.

(Flash: There are plans for a “dream” love scene--in which Locklear imagines Old Swampy as he looked before the slime set in.)

A specialist in filming on shoestrings (“Not of This Earth” cost $300,000), Wynorski now has $7 million--”I’m in hog heaven!”

He hopes to bring the sequel “more into the comic-book realm” (as opposed to the horror-shocker realm) with huge James Bondian-type sets, “and lots of great monsters.” And there’ll be musical accouterments, too. “We’ve just bought the rights to Credence Clearwater’s ‘Born on the Bayou,’ ” said Wynorski, who revealed, “and we’re trying to get Roy Orbison’s ‘Blue Bayou’ for our love theme.”

Produced by Lightyear Entertainment (it did “Aria”), the pic begins shooting in early June. When it’s all wrapped, the ever-busy Wynorski moves on to . . . “Beastmaster II.”

Deadpanned Wynorski: “I refuse to make a movie unless it’s a sequel. Or at least a remake.”

Talking shock/schlock sequels . . . .

“Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood”--It was inevitable. Paramount delivers the goods (or bads) this Friday . . . the 13th!

“Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Meyers”--The Shape--the slasher from I and II--escapes from a sanitarium and returns to Haddonfield, Ill., to seek out his only living relative! Stuntman George Wilbur plays The Shape. Donald Pleasence is the persistent Dr. Loomis. It looms in October.

“Hellraiser II: Hellbound”--A young woman journeys to hell (!) to rescue her dad. Horror king Clive Barker produces. For fall.

“CHUD II”--David Irving directs, from a script by genremeister Ed Naha. Futher adventures of Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. (If you saw the 1984 original, you know they’re created by atomic waste dumped into the N.Y. sewage system by the Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal unit.) Due for fall.

“Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers”--Pamela Springsteen--Bruce’s sis--stars as a tough counselor at a camp with, umm, problems. For summer.

There’s still more due/brewing, such as: “Return of the Killer Tomatoes,” “House III,” “Maniac II,” “Howling IV,” “Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues,” “Toxic Avenger: Part II,” “Deathstalker III,” “The Hills Have Eyes III,” “Sorority House Massacre II,” “Saturday the 14th II,” “Alligator II.”

And lest we forget, “Critters 2” continues in its second week. Directed by Steven Spielberg associate Mick Garris, the pic climaxes with the demise of the fur balls from outer space. But we’re willing to bet they’ll be baaaaaack . . . .