POP MUSIC REVIEW : Baggage Stops Jets From Taking Off

When was the last time you saw several colorfully costumed Polynesian dance routines in the middle of a contemporary pop music show?

But then the Jets’ performance Wednesday night at the Universal Amphitheatre was more like a studio tour attraction than a concert. Sponsored by a corn-chip company, this evening of aural junk food was part Las Vegas revue, part Saturday afternoon kid show and part South Seas version of “Star Search.”

The seven members of the Tongan-American Wolfgramm family have had a few catchy dance hits (“Curiosity,” “Crush on You”), but nothing could prepare the unsuspecting for a show that recaptured all the excitement of Pink Lady (breathy-voiced duets between Elizabeth and Moana) meeting a bad Michael Jackson impersonator (Rudy, complete with Jackson-like whoops and leg moves).

Add to this lame cover versions of soul classics by Aretha Franklin, Al Green, the Del-Phonics, even Sheila E.’s “The Glamorous Life,” and it’s no wonder that at least one 8-year-old girl who had a math test the next day was content to leave early. After all, how are you going to top a Tongan fire dancer?

Second-billed Jermaine Stewart, ex-Shalamar mate of Jody Watley, is best known for singing “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off.” Maybe not take them off, but Stewart changed outfits at least four times during a stylish and snappy set of well-choreographed clothes-horse funk by his group, the Party. The set was paced to a drop-dead T, with Stewart managing to maintain a vital connection with his audience that was as impressive as his sartorial splendor.

The Jets, Stacey Q and Jermaine Stewart will play tonight at 7 and 10:30 p.m. at the Celebrity Theatre, 201 E. Broadway, Anaheim. Tickets: $20. Information: (714) 999-9536.