Writing Gives Knotts Outward Expression for Inner Pain

After the tragic loss of their daughter and during two long and difficult trials, Samuel and Joyce Knott began writing.

Samuel Knott works on his poetry, crafting bits of verse and rhyme and short messages to his 20-year-old daughter, Cara, who was murdered by California Highway Patrol Officer Craig Peyer after he pulled her over on a traffic stop in December, 1986.

“It’s a release,” he said, describing how he has written more than 40 poems on his home computer since his daughter’s death.

A Way to Reach Cara

“It’s a way to communicate with my daughter in the sense of what has transpired. I have used it as a mechanism for me to focus my energies in a positive manner. And as a father.”

And, because the family’s thoughts of Cara fighting desperately to defend herself against the highway patrolman won’t go away, Joyce Knott, too, has learned that writing can heal and help to turn back the grief.

Last Friday, while the Superior Court jury was deep in deliberations, Joyce Knott sat by Cara’s grave and, in the shade of a eucalyptus tree, penned her thoughts on a piece of tablet paper.

“We are fighting for justice as hard as we know how, just as you fought for your life with all the strength you had,” she wrote. “We all miss you so. You brought such joy to our lives.”

The Knotts, speaking briefly on their front lawn near El Cajon, declined to unburden their feelings toward Peyer and his family.

“In our minds, he doesn’t even exist,” Joyce Knott said. “He got what he needed--first-degree.”

Instead, the Knotts turned their attention to their daughter, who was a San Diego State University honor student.

“We think of Cara and the injury that was done to her and what she did to protect herself,” her mother said. “But we can’t just focus on him.”

Conviction Brings Relief

Knowing that Peyer has been convicted and is in jail brought relief. There were smiles. Hugs with relatives. Greetings to friends and neighbors who stopped by with gifts of covered dishes.

Looking ahead, they hope to continue volunteering their time and energy to help families of other crime victims overcome their grief. So far, they said, they have been instrumental in setting up two Cara Knott scholarships, establishing a missing-persons hot line, and getting a state law passed requiring law enforcement officials to search for missing persons immediately, rather than waiting 48 hours, as happened when their daughter did not return home.

“We would like to be able to make a contribution,” Samuel Knott said. “We feel we have an insight we can share.”

The possibility of more difficult court hearings looms as the case winds its way through appeals. The Knotts said they believe they can face that ordeal, too.

“Once you’ve been crucified and walked through the valley of death, you have power,” Samuel Knott said. “And you know you have the truth on your side. You have that as a standard you can use as a benchmark. So we are prepared for all alternatives.”

And the writing.

“You are my morning and evening star,” Samuel Knott wrote in a birthday poem on the day his daughter would have turned 21. “And now you are stardust, and you will live forever.”

And the little message the parents carried from the courtroom Wednesday to the cemetery, where they left it on her grave:

“Our Precious Cara--Now you can rest in peace. You fought for your life. We fought for justice. Loving you, Mom and Dad.”