Raider Deals? Pick a Reason, Any Reason

Raise your hand if you understand one single thing the Raiders do.

These guys seem to need Willie Gault the way William Perry needs a hot-fudge sundae.

Make a list of 22 things the Raiders can use. No. 23 is a wide receiver.

Hiring another receiver with the current Raider quarterbacks is like buying a second dart board and still forgetting to buy darts.

Giving credit where credit’s due, Al Davis knows his own needs better than anyone else does.

Just please, mark us down under “mystified.”

Here is a team, 13-18 over its last two seasons, and what does it do?

It says so long to its experienced coach, a coach who won two Super Bowls, and appoints another who has never been a head coach.

Does he know the Raider roster inside out, at least?

No. He’s from Denver.

OK, so what the heck. Maybe Mike Shanahan will be the next George Halas. The Raiders know what they’re doing.

Then comes the draft.

Their first pick is a wide receiver, Tim Brown. They already had James Lofton, Mervyn Fernandez, Dokie Williams and assorted others, but what the heck. The Raiders know what they’re doing.

But wait. Before the first round of the draft is over, the Raiders trade a defensive end, Sean Jones, to the Houston Oilers. For a quarterback? No, for more draft choices.

But wait. Before the first round of the draft is over, the Raiders take one of their wide receivers, Williams, and trade him to San Francisco. For a quarterback? No, for another draft choice.

Which they use to draft a defensive end, Scott Davis.

So, let me see if I have this straight.

They would rather have Shanahan, who has never been a National Football League head coach, than a coach who has coached.

They would rather have Brown, who has never played an NFL down, than Williams, who has played five years.

They would rather have Davis, who has never played an NFL down, than Jones, who has played four years.

But they would rather have Gault, who has played five years, than next year’s first-round draft choice, even though to permit Gault to play, they might have to bench this year’s first-round draft choice.

Then they trade last year’s first-round draft choice, offensive lineman John Clay, to the San Diego Chargers for offensive lineman Jim Lachey, who has played three years.

All this wheeling and dealing, and still no quarterback. Not much hope of drafting one next year, either. Not much hope of Troy Aikman sticking around Los Angeles.

Who’s the quarterback this season? At the moment, it’s Jim Plunkett, who is five years older than the coach.

Between the quarterback of the Raiders, the center of the Lakers and the catcher of the Angels, we’re beginning to think of Southern California as one gigantic seniors’ tour.

Plunkett is fine if the Raiders plan to give the football to Bo Jackson or Marcus Allen all day, but Jackson is still bopping baseballs into Kansas City’s fountains, and Allen has been waiting since Super Bowl XVIII for somebody to give him the football all day.

What good is it going to do Willie Gault to outrun the cornerback 50 yards downfield when the quarterback can only throw the ball 25 yards downfield?

Willie Gault and Tim Brown could become the NFL’s most expensive decoys. James Lofton and Mervyn Fernandez could become the NFL’s most talented play messengers.

That is, unless Al Davis has other aces up his sleeve. Of course, we have been waiting for him to show one for many moons now. You can’t win a World Series without a pitching staff, and you can’t win a Super Bowl without a couple of quarterbacks--one to start, and one to come in when the other can’t play.

Tampa Bay had two quarterbacks better last season than any of the Raider quarterbacks, and Tampa Bay went 4-11. That’s how good the Raiders could be--they won more games than Tampa Bay with no quarterback.

Apologies in advance if Willie Gault goes out and catches 10 passes a week and the Raiders take their first 10 games. For the time being, though, we just don’t see it.

What Gault did for Chicago was as much Jim McMahon’s doing as his. More, even. Gault has never been known as having the best hands since Allstate Insurance. Gault’s a burner, a guy who gets open.

With the Raiders, you get the feeling he’s going to wave his arms a lot and shout: “Over here! Over here!”

Well, the Raiders do have Bo Jackson.

Maybe they just got Gault to throw blocks.