That Was His Kind of Town

Well, at least he didn’t trash Cooperstown, N.Y. Jim Murray, that is. So you know he was truly touched by his Hall of Fame selection. He’s the king of the city-bashers, of course, as the Sporting

News acknowledged while listing some of his big hits. Samples:

--Cincinnati: “Should be evacuated and marked, ‘Closed for Repairs.’ ”

--Birmingham, Ala.: “Gateway to the Ku Klux Klan.”

--New York: “The largest chewing gum receptacle in the world.”

--Detroit: “Should be left on the doorstep for the Salvation Army, but I don’t think they can save it.”

--Baltimore: “A great place to go if you’re a crab.”

Murray has even trashed states. Of West Virginia, he said, “They forgot to put a roof on it.”

Trivia Time: What members of the Baseball Hall of Fame were known as the Tall Tactician, the Meal Ticket, the Mechanical Man? (Answer below.)

Said Val Skinner, after tying for the low round of 67 Thursday in the Pat Bradley Invitational but not qualifying for any prize money under the Stableford scoring system: “Don’t I get a stuffed bear or something?”

Said Billy Casper, after taking a three-stroke lead at the halfway point of the U.S. Senior Open: “I weigh too much, but I may weigh more by Sunday because I’ll have more money in my pocket.”

Notice he said may . He shot a 76 Saturday to drop out of the lead.

From the Baltimore Sun: “The wives of New York Mets players Tim Teufel, Darryl Strawberry and Howard Johnson have already given birth this season, and the wives of Lee Mazzilli, Roger McDowell and Dave Magadan are expecting.”

Said Teufel: “We may not be hitting, but at least they can’t say we’re impotent.”

St. Louis Manager Whitey Herzog, on the Cardinals’ hitting woes: “We’re like a soccer team. If we’re two down, we’re dead.”

When Montreal pitcher Pascual Perez, who is 0 for 34 as a hitter, made it to third as a pinch-runner in a recent game, he said to Expo third base coach Jackie Moore: “I’ve never been to third, what do I do now?”

32 Years Ago Today: On Aug. 7, 1956, the largest crowd in minor league history, 57,000, saw 50-year-old Satchel Paige of Miami beat Columbus in an International League game played in the Orange Bowl. Paige finished the season with an 11-4 record and an earned-run average of 1.86.

How good a pool player is Rudolf Wanderone, better known as Minnesota Fats?

Willie Mosconi, 15-time world pocket billiards champion, who did a TV series with Fats, told the Boston Globe: “Fats is nothing but a big mouth--he can’t play. He used to walk around and tell how great he was. Finally, I said, ‘Fats, sit down where you belong.’ And I’d run four racks, and then he’d complain that I was cheating.”

Now-it-can-be-told Dept.: Dave Butz of the Washington Redskins, recalling his days under George Allen, told the Washington Post: “George didn’t believe in anyone drinking water or having ice. He thought that made you a sissy. So, we’d be out three hours, morning and afternoon, hitting and all of that. Chris Hanburger used to sneak me ice in his helmet. I never asked him to do it, but I guess he thought I needed it because I was a big guy trying to cool off.”

Trivia Answer: Connie Mack, Carl Hubbell, Charlie Gehringer.

Quotebook

Cleveland Browns Coach Marty Schottenheimer, on defensive linemen Al Baker, 6-6 and 280, and Chris Pike, 6-8 and 301, who are roommates: “If I was delivering them a pizza, I’d slide it under the door.”